Love

So many ways

What is love?
And for those of us who are religious when does love with the things here on earth, conflict with the devine one.
I was deeply in love with a woman once. I can stand here and say that for me, love wasn't very logical. A bit insane if I may. A spiral, out of my control......with moments of speechlessness.
And sometimes I tell myself that God took this love from me to get me focused back on more important things, like him I suppose.

My LOVE for GOD is also an episode of it's own. At times intense, but then a bit incoherent.
You see he doesn't speak to me, even when I beg for a simple hello. Some have told me this will never happen. I take it in. Then I wonder "If I was left on a deserted island at the age of 4 and some how lived to see 26 thru an assortment of fruits and vegetables, who would God be to me with no one to lead my train of though. Lately I've told myself that there is no point in trying to understand a being who is infinite, but then he may not truly understand me, like old people who forget what it's like to be young.

Often.
I've sought to find God's LOVE in a womans eyes. Like the Eve to Adam. Someone on this plane who would expand my reality to different avenues beyond own horizon. Unfortunately I just end up getting head, three months of protected sex, and a headache. Occasionaly thinking of the Love I once had.
?Question?
When does you'll get over it, begin?

Anyway. Time passes, mentalities change, as they do. I've grown as a person and being alone has given me time to really look at things. And accept others. Paradise Lost.
As of late, I've submerged in music, my writing, my work, and thought. I have regrets to perge and a person who's always been there to better know, myself. I contemplate the future alot and ways to simplify my life. By the way I Dream alot more.

As for love, be it mortal or devine, it's out of my understanding right now.
But I stay humble.
And thats cool.

Who do you love

Why I HATE as I do

T.H.U.G.L.I.F.E

The Hate U Gave Lil InFants Fucks Everyone.

Tupac's words sure enough, yet I've noticed in my short time on this world hate enfluences alot of things.
Earlier today I kinda got into it with my good friend Gary, over some bullshit concerning two other people. And it wasn't cool, but he kinda pissed me off. This is a Rant.

My HATE runs deeps. I'll share it with you.
I'm not looking for simpathy, just a bit of understanding.
Alot of times i feel like the victim they like to point the finger at.
My father fucked me, see when I was 15 my parents divorced, not special happens every other day i'm sure. And when he remarried I lived with people who degraded me, stole from me, and really just hated that a breathed the same air as them. And he of all people turned his back on me when i needed him most.
I've grown up a loner in the truest since of the word. When i needed people they turned they back on me. Or stabbed me in mine. I've slept under the night sky and experience the hardships of not having.
I watched my mother cry as her life fell apart, and seen the true hearts of men amidst the day to day politics. And though i may be just a statistic I know i'm special. God showed me so much to make me strong. And still i'm really soft inside.
Now i've mentioned Ryan before in my posts. He was my best friend and my brother, so i loved him as one. And he fucked me. Perception is all we have in this world. And from where i stand his deciet runs deep. I've forgivin this man and i'm working towards getting over all that happen between us, so tell me why can't my peers just let it be. So I'll be the first to say it now as i've said before so many times. "FUCK anyone who has a problem with the fact i'd rather not see Ryan right now, you can suck my dick." FUck you. You don't know my pain true enough, but atleast be sensitive to it and stop throwing that shit in my face. You can be in his place just as well. A woman told me something back when i was 16 that i've found to be true in the years past and the coming. She said i wouldn't keep company with those who didn't treat me as i felt i should be treated. This may doom me to be alone the rest of my life true enough, but at the same time it may also only tighten my association to only those who take life as seriously as i do.
Don't be little my pain. That man pained me to my very soul. My "Get over it" is a work in progress. Btw for those who's advice is to get over it "Fuck you". You could very easily be put on this list with him with that attitude.

In regards to this post the recent incident with Gary is the cause. You lost rank today. Quote me on this. "I'm sick and tired of you giving me messages from muthafuckaz who wanna talk shit or degrade me in some way. See not only are you considered a friend, you are currently considered the closest. I tell you damn near everything. You pass these bullshit messages to me and then annouce that your done with it. Like i'm the one whos suppose to stand there and take it in. Who's side are you on anyway. You know me better than them, your suppose to speak for me when i'm not there. I mean shit I do it for you, and have done it might I add.
And this is Public now cause you didn't wanna talk about that shit on the phone well guess what. You won't get to talk about it again anytime soon not because of me but because of you, you closed that door hard ass, you close that door on someone who would go to war for you."

And to everyone else who has an opinion on the way I run my affairs, fuck you. Cause I see now regardless of how cool i am with people, and how much shit i let go, it's fucked up how theres not much tolerance when it comes to what i may be going thru. You need to ask yourself are you a friend or foe. and then STop Fucking Contacting Me.

Peace.

THUG LIFE