Where My Dogs At?

This next year will be something quite special for me. Ladies and Gentlemen if I may(and I may). I would like to introduce my soon to be new roommate for the next year before we go on to bigger and even much better things. The One and Only MIKE JONES(not the rapper..........better).

Me and this guy meeting are like the perfect storm. It's good for us, probably bad for women who don't understand.

Mike? You take it from here man.

there is one thing in the world that men do not really understand, and im pretty sure everyone knows what i'm talking about. however, a man begins to understanda woman, even if all he understands how to do is get her in bed, he will take full advantage of that. it's wonderful when u find something that works. regardless of his intentions in the relationship, he will use what he knows and do what works. if he is a gorilla in bed, do u think he's gonna try and understand why he is that way? or maybe try and figure out another aspect of a woman. not until he has met his match. unfortunately, meeting his match might cause him to slip even further and continue to utilize his "powers." shit is sad, silk the shocker told me that it aint my fault. i believe that in a sense. being 22 and 4 years removed from a relationship of any meaning, i say fuck it. like my homie lessence(anthony), i have realized that it's pointless to try and start a relationship with a woman when all i really wanna do is see her naked. my step mom says i'm a pig so it's nothing new. some will probably say that i have a fear of committment. i'll put it this way. my first "girlfriend" had a boyfriend the entire time we were hooking up. men aren't the only dogs, women are just a little slicker. at the tender age of 15 i was smacked back and forth across the ping pong table like a bitch. one minute it was i love u and i wanna be with u and the next minute she was making out with her boyfriend right in from of me in the hallway at skool. good thing that only wasted 2 years of my life. finally i got over her, but it wasn't without further hurt. the next young lady seemed harmless enough so i wasn't scared to develop a little crush. after prom and about 2 months of quart ship(translation: we were "talking") miss caramel dipped queen, broke it to me. "i have been talking to someone since january"...Damn homie, in high skool u was the man homie. i really didn't understand this. Especially cuz her best friend told me it was in the bag. so months went by, and i guess thing didn't work out. so we started talking again and eventually "fell in love" at least on of us did. long story short, she was a little better than the firstbut it hurt worse. 4 years after u have the man that stands before u. lil wayne says it's best, but idon't wanna be too harsh. i am, for the most part, the way i am because i have been shaped by 2 women who treated me like a bitch. i used to be nice. all the shit that women SAY they want in a man, and guess what, i was still played like a bitch. needless to say, since then i haven't been hurt like that. i'm more confident and self-centered than ever. so sorry if women don't like to hear it but until i "meet my match" for the third time, a few hearts will get broken and a few back will too. holler at me if u need clarification or feel sorry for me. 2 girls really hurt my feelings, and i know it's not your fault......... but it aint mine.

What a year it's gonna be people.

Careful Now

When it comes to women, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a slow learner. I can't really tell if a woman likes me unless she damn near spells if out for me. Also for the most part unfortunately I can't tell if a woman doesn't like me, unless she spells if out of me. In my current drunkin state I made the mistake of reviewing some of the feedback that I get from my numerous posts and one of them which has stuck with me everytime I read it. Unfortunatley "nikki" decided to send to me comments telling me about those of you who don't quite like me.
Needless to say that while I shouldn't care I found this troubling. I mean really are my views that bad when concerning women. I mean ya still gotta give it to me, I don't decieve the women who like me or take any interest in me of any kind. I'm quite honest on the contrary and is it really my fault if they choose to talk to me anyway? I may be closer to your hearts than I appear that this moment in time. I mean some of you I'm sure don't even know me, and from what I get wouldn't even like to take that chance to get to know me and thats not fair, cause to know me is to love me. I'm a really cool guy, I hear it all the time. I retrospect I really wish the gloves could have came off for just a moment when I posted that I was in an accident, it took alot of pain to sit there and write to everyone what I had just went thru, I'm still recovering from it. No woman for the last 3 years or so can truly say that I was committed to her, and in that regard when I do some of the things that I do thats my perrogative, I'm what I like to call "A free man". It's easy for me to tolerate alot of things people might, or have said about me because I don't have a problem with anyone, I really just like the feedback good or bad.

While I don't intend, anytime soon to take back anything that I've said on my blog. I will say that there is a purpose to my way of thinking. I really don't want to spend the rest of my days alone. I just know what I want and have no intentions of settling for anything less. A woman made me this way mind you and while it wasn't easy to see at first, I've thanked her for it more than once. I don't intend to make the same mistakes twice. Like any man I must admit I've done some wrong. Broke a few hearts, thought with my dick, etc. But damn, I'm only human. I'm on top of my game, I don't have nothing(if ya know what i mean), and overall I'm in great health. So whats the big deal. I dare any of my haters to take the chance to get to know me. But be careful, ya just might end up liking me. Nikki wasn't that much of a fool.
Yall be cool.........I'm going to bed.

THE SKINNY!!!

I gotta ask the ladies whats so bad about skinny guys.
I've been skinny my whole life and though it could possibly be just because I don't know any better, but I like it.

Lets not forget that most of those big guys are just gonna get fat when they stop working out all the time. I know i'm always gonna be able to see what lurks below my waist, and really the only concern we have is keeping a six pack, other than that life is pretty much all good. I was gonna wait on this post because I'm not my cocky self these days since I took that slide down 37th street on my arms, back, and head, but I'm giving it my best.
Ok here we go.
Bruce Lee, skinny guy, kicked maj0r ass and blew up doing it. The guys a legend, Arnold Schwarzenegger what a big guy, but he wasn't known for kickin no ass. Thats one for the skinny.
Tupac Shakur, skinny guy, coined the phrase "I get around", and did just that till the day he died. Aight I'll admit as he once did that it was mostly the fame, money, and charisma, but hey it happend. Thats two.
I'm not hating on athletes don't get me wrong, I used to be one too, but getting money is a better hobby. Plus I aint got the time to be sitting up in a gym all day with a bunch of other guys and taking showers together and shit like that. I'm tryna ball.
I'll hit up a spot and take my shirt off, it don't much bother me. I'm just skinny, I don't look like skin and bones. I'm still keeping hope alive that the skinny will have it's day, not the sick skinny like those white chicks you see in the magazines, but the slim cats like snoop dogg and T.I., just without the money(or not as much.)
Ah few years back though, this girl laughed at after I took my shirt off. I was like damn she just really cut up the mood tellin me how skinny I am. We still did the "serious" but it kinda stuck with me, even though she still really liked me I had to fall back. Drawbacks are there ya know, like when the wind blows too hard, or some big guy asked to you watch out lil dude,(that aint happened in years but it did), but I guess you take the good with the bad.
And we have our talents believe me. Just ask somebody.

Power Shit.

Ok, ok. I begged and begged enough so now that I have a post from "The Gary", I'm gonna go ahead and........post it.
He told me if I didn't like it then "fuck me", but I'm not gonna judge, I'll let you judge. Don't be gentle this guy teaches writing. lol.

Here we go.






"If you could have ONE superpower what would it be?"
Classic question right? The kind of question anyone can answer, whether they're a comic aficionado or a college professor. However we all hear the usual answers: Super strength, flight, invisibility, blah, blah, blah. There are two biggies that most of us would pick without hesitation: telepathy and telekinesis.

With telepathy you can do damn near anything-convince people to give you money, tell people you hate to go and kill themselves and walk away legally-legit, persuade ANY woman to fuck you. And telepathy doesn't mean mind-control-you can do all of these things to a person and leave them convince they wanted to do them. Similarly, with telekinesis the sky's the limit: you can fly, explode people's heads, move mountains (literally) and give yourself some extra protection if you've found yourself involved with the police or the stereotypical crazy niggaz we all run into from time to time.
Granted both powers are good there are so many others out there that warrant out attention. So without further ado here are a few powers I personally think are interesting.
Most of you are somewhat familiar with Multiple Man since he was in X3 this May(a terrible movie in my opinion but thats another story) and the movie simply didn't do him justice. I mean, heres a guy who can make duplicates of himself and although the multiples have their own individuality they still- more or less, do what he wants them to do. And did I mention all of the skills the multiples learn, he learns and retains as well when he re absorbs them? Think about it- you could make a dozen multiples, send them all out to do shit: learn Japanese, study programming codes, practice drawing/painting, whatever. Then, a few months later, re-absorb them and suddenly you know how to do all of those things! I suppose, if you had a freak girlfriend you could double-team her all by yourself(Dr. Manhattan ddi it in the comic book Watchmen). Hell, I'd do it- I don't mind seeing my own dick. But we could take it to one step further- let's say you're bored one day(after all, in a hypothetical world, just because you have a power doesn't mean Dr. Doom or Magneto's down the street causing you to dedicate your life to eradicating evil) and you make a multiple. Let's say you tell the multiple......to suck your dick. He does. You re-absorb him. How you know what it's like to suck your own dick- how it tastes, everything. With that said, lets move on.
Let's stick to the X3 theme here and take a look at Mystique. There's the obvious: you can shape-shift into anyone= the ultimate thief. You could commit any crime and as long as you looked like someone else, you'd never have to worry about the cops (unless they got there before you got away). Also you could shape-shift into people with access to shit (even your neigbors, if you knew what they looked like and knew someone was home- y0u could practically steal an entire house), and of course-shape shift into the opposite gender and see how the other side lives. Which we would all do, at least for a day or two. Don't fucking lie. Now the interesting things. When Mystique changes form she completely changes the physical appereance and mass. Which means to turn into a slightly bulkier version of yourself, or slimmer version, you can. Also, you'd never age! You could keep a twenty-somthing body your entire life(and it may even extend your life). That alone seems to be worth it in today's world. Oh, and you could fulfill that lifelong fantasy of wondering how a hermaphrodite funtions.

This last one may be good....the Scarlet Witch was a one-time Avenger and the daughter of Magneto. She went crazy not too long ago in the comics and tried to kill alot of people, blah blah blah(another story for another time). But basically her power is-she can manipulate the probablility of anything. The simplest example would be, say she buys a lottery ticket and then uses her power. Presto, she has the winning ticket. That alone may well be worth it- you could become a millionare without having to do anything illegal (unlike nearly every other power, including telepathy). But she can also just make shit happen that simpy shouldn't happen-anything improbably can happen if she wants it to. She could probably give other people powers by messing with someone's DNA and so forth. She too, could get away with murder. Don't like someone, make their house collapse on them. Basically- it's like telepathy only your not messing with someone's mind. And in many ways, it's better. Walking down the street one day you find 1st class ticket to Japan discarded in a trash can by accident, then you run into a trove of women who all want to have a dick sucking contest with you as the judge (or men who want to do a pussy eating contest, whichever) and then you walk by a dealershit where the salesman is going bankrupt and selling cars for a few hundred bucks a piece. Shit like that could happen everyday if you had her powers. In a comic she managed to get herself pregnant just because she wanted a baby. Shit is crazy.

Well, three is more than enough, I think, so I'll stop for now and maybe Anthony will let me follow up with some more unusual character powers someday. In the meantime though-if you could have any superpower, what would it be?
(You can't say Superman.)

I'm out....

Damn........aint this a bitch?

While currently in alot of pain, i decided to write this post to annouce that earlier today i was in a motorcycle accident.

I rear ended a chevy suburban and pretty much slid down the street. On my head. Thank God I had a helmet on. My injuries though not life threatening are pretty bad. I have a hard time getting around, and I have no idea how I'm gonna bath myself for the next week or so.
My beautiful bike is totalled, I was later told at the hospital. My wounds have to be cleaned and dressed twice a day for an undeterminded amount of time. But hey, I'm Alive.

These Things Happen.(HO Adventures.)

I recieved an email from one of my homegirls recently about one of her many "ho adventures" as I would like to call them. She relays quite a few stories my way of the hoes she choses to keep company with so I decided to start writing posts of them.

This is a rare (or not so rare) look into the realm of the ho and the men, and women for that matter who exploit them.

And I quote..............


"I don't know if I'm gonna talk to you today, so you'll have to read this, yeah I know it saddens you that you might not get to talk to me. Hey what can I say I'm a busy girl.
Anyway, saturday night, I think it was saturday, yeah well go with that. Okay saturday night, I go with one of my friends (who will remain nameless), okay so I'm with this nameless friend, wait I gotta back up let me tell you how she tricked me first. She called and asked me if i wanted to go out to eat, so thinking nothing of it I said yeah.....so we go out, we eat, we talk, then she asked me if I would come with her to pick up one of her friends. Shit it's her car so I said sure. So when we get to her friends I already knew who she was talking about, these are the same no good niggaz that i used to kick it with......(shut up man I was younger okay, YOUNGER). Anyway so when we pull up I was like no I don't want to go in, I guess they saw the car pull up because then a few of 'em came out. So now I'm like "fuck" so they get to the car and was like "I know thats not *---* sitting over there", so by the end of the conversation I'm in the house. So we're all sitting around talking, you got people drinking and smoking but not me of course, I gotta say aware of my surroundings, so about an hour pass and then some other girls show up so they start playing drinking games, Anthony you should have saw these girls and what they were doing. There were bitches butt ass naked, it was one big orgy, and I don't want to stay and watch but man it was interesting, females were freaking females, males in the corner getting head, man it was crazy....and i just kinda sat there, what was I suppose to do. Anthony I found out my friend is into girls.......what if she tries to turn me out.

Okay that was one of my stories, the next actually pisses me off because my friend Layla, I told you about her, she's the one with three kids....you know what i'm just going to tell you the rest of my stories over the phone because this is email is getting too long and i'm tired of typing so you be looking for my call."


More to come folks, she has others but that was the funniest one. I told you to stop hangin out with them hoes girl, that what you get. Hopefully you'll continue to not listen to me though this shit is good. HOLLA BACK Yall!!

Nature's Son............(poem)

I listen to the songs of old, and paint the good moments now posted on the wall.
This is for the Times,
This is for the Vibe,
This is for everything that is, and the child I used to be.
Eyes closed I feel the beat,
Hoping each time it takes me
Far Far Far away.
Where law is written by turntablalists, and B-boys patrol the streets
Political Emcees, block parties, chocolate cities, where I'd artwalk the night away
Like Jet Set Radio.
Where flavors unfold and skill is shown, I'm grown but thats my never never land
A Penny Lane hello,
A symphany fellow, and cool mellow groove, like just vibin like,
I'm Alive man in silence I'm still Time Traveling
Beyond average, still standing and non staggering.
The last of them
And my eyes are closed
And Yo I side with those, as in thugs, hustlas, and have not, I don't mean the cash pots
NO, I'm speaking of the please I have not
Not seen the sunrise, Not felt the raindrops on my face, I've been struggling to keep pace
So I don't take time to notice.
I work for quotas, see I'm a novice in life I just want a piece of the pie
Or kick it with my dime and nickel.
An ice sickle when the weathers dry, a sweet and long goodbye, but I'll see you again
Like true friends.
I wanna wonder where the day went and yet not worry cause it was good time spent
Amongst those close like the water fights I remember.
Time rushes just like water so it seems
Fluid
Yet we swam thru it, cause to do it mean to be free.
I'd change nothing because I've made something of myself
See I'm a survivor
So A toast to the moment and to those who've made it this far
I am my brothers keeper
And I'm gone look out for yall.

Need for Speed

Ok so here's the actual picture of my2003 GSXR 750. This is the apple of my eye and currently my most prized possesion. I must say that for years I never thought I'd be one of those guys who ripped up and down town on the back of a crocth rocket, but....here it is.


This thing makes me feel like superman. I mean you can actually "cruise" at over a hundred miles an hour and it's nothing. I'd consider myself more cautious than wreckless compared to those I ride with, but it doesn't take much to get a rush from these things.

Now I get the usual when those who know me see me pull up on this thing like, "Be careful, ride safe." I can understand that, but for some reason that just rubs me wrong. I like to compare it to telling a actor to break a leg. Bad luck. I'm gonna be careful and as safe as I can, but shit happens and I've accepted that. I got this thing knowning that and besides, I wanna live more dangerously. Like a friend of mine says, "No point tip-toeing thru life just to arrive safely at death." Personally if i had to pick, I'd rather die riding my bike than choking on a chicken bone, or getting shot or stabbed or something. And shit like that goes down just going out the the club.

Taking the good with the bad, the good is that women really like bikes, breast feel really good on your back especially when you gun the throttle, and riding around feeling badass is an ego trip in itself. I'm still hoping my biker buddies don't make a monster out of me. I know Gary has thought to himself by now, "Aw shit, I done left for graduate school, and look what this crazy muthafucka got himself into." My reply is "Hey man you need to get a bike too."

The Black SuperMan has arrived.

"Some people hate me but others can all agree.
Yeah he's an asshole but really I lovit the way he speaks to me"

Yall be cool. And watch out for guys on thier bikes.

"CAGERS!" 

Food for Thought

I can't believe how many people actually read this shit, and don't leave any comments.
No "Hey man I enjoy your post, keep up the good work." No "We hate you and you ARE an ASShole, eat shit and die." Nothing. It almost feels like I'm being watched without knowing. I mean I'm so used to knowning the only person thats gonna respond is my good friend Gary, so I kinda got to thinking that this was our little private place. lol.



That is all.

The Fallen

Even SuperHeroes fall.

I tell myself that sometimes when things just aint going my way.
Lately I've just been tired trying to do so much with the music and work, plus juggle my friends. I realized today that I'm an asshole, and even though I think I was driven too it I can't sugar coat my behavior or justify it in anyway.



SpiderMan saves people from people, and some people from themselves. Thru his affairs some people don't like him, this jeopardizes his family and close friends. Thru his affairs sometimes it mean fucking some people over who depend on him. RESPONSIBILITY is the word I think I'm getting at here. In a not so superhero way, I'm just like SpiderMan. And thru my affairs some people like me, and some people hate me. Though hate may be a strong word I don't think it's too far off key to use it in this post so that you all get the picture. My current mood is "pissed", and no today has not been good to me. I try and remember that "Even SuperHeroes fall."
I've strayed from responsibility, I don't like being responsible for how someone feels due to my actions which I'm sure is why I've strayed from relationships, aswell as having any more kids than the one I have now.
For some reason I thought these things would come more easily in life, but I've been wrong.
Some women have more or less began to hate me. They think that I'm immature, or that I'm unwilling to commit. I think I'm just to pessimistic for a relationship right now, but I'd like to learn to be otherwise. Is that wrong.
Relationships represent being tied down to me, and I see it in the ones around me. I go to a friends house and asking them to hang out is similar to when I was a child, knocking on a playmates door to meet those large people we called parents and saying the following, "Can Steven come out to play." Then watching on as Steven grabs his coat announcing what time he'd be back and where he'd be as if they might object, then correct him as they saw fit.

My headaches but I don't use asprin. I may need a psychologist, but I can't afford to ask him.
Sometimes I laugh in the misdst of my pain, and I'd never admit that I'm acting. Not even to myself. I'm just tired friends. Tired of the bullshit, tired of how complicated life can be sometimes. Tired of the lies, hell even tired of just watching the days go by. And then I gotta admit to myself that hey, "Even Superheroes fall", sometimes.

Today someone close broke my heart, I thought we was better than that. I hope this post doesn't sound suicidal cause I know I'm better than that. I just wanted someone to talk to, and since no one was around. I just said fuckit, got online, and jotted this shit down. Today I can't front I'm really feeling this frown. But to those who still down stick around, I know I'll smile again.

So here's to friends.........

And everything that comes with 'em.

Cheers.

The Motherland....(Fuckit)

This is dedicated to all you pro black/back to africa muthafuckaz out there. As well as you white supremists.

I was born in America, as my father before me, and his father before him and so on. America is my home, my motherland. I eat from this land(for that matter so does most of the rest of this world.) I'm gonna die here one day as long as I have a say in it.
Fuck africa, it's as foreign to me as Russia.

I once had the pleasure (if you wanna call it that) of hanging out with a bunch of africans and for the most part, they don't care much for us anyway, and I could care less. I recall them saying that all we do is sing and play basketball. Also a comment was made that we don't take advantage of the opportunities given in this country. You come over and read all them books with a free education, and don't know nothing about Jim Crow. So I need to get all I can out of my country and you live next to a diamond mine.
Black roots huh, my black roots began on a boat trip after some african sold one of my ancestors to the white man. And after Nate Turner, MLK, and Malcolm X, you radical niggaz telling me I should just say fuck them that (among others) got they ass whipped or killed just to say "man we've come so far here, but ya know what? Fuck'em I'm just gonna go back to Africa."
Yeah right.
On the real though, day to day I don't have a problem with africans, I'm not even thinkin much about them. I just feel like they the next best thing black americans been trying to look up to next to the wihite man, and that ain't cool. We need to focus on our heritage here, cause we ain't never gonna be africans again, we been thru too much for that kind of thinking. I ain't never been to africa, and I don't plan on going anytime soon. Been too busy anyway tryna figure out whats going on with us here in America, my country, my home.
Word up.

ANGER!!!

My aunt asked me about a week ago why am I so angry. And I've decided to ask myself that question tonite. It is my hope that one day I'll look a back on these writings and realize it was all in my mind.

But that day hasn't come yet. While these days I know it's simply ego. I get upset with people when they don't realize the magnificence of a person like me kind of like an artist would feel insulted if no one took notice of his most recent materpiece.

As a child I still remember the day they brought my little sister home from the hospital after being born, I was no longer the baby, and she got her ass whipped for 9 years because of it. I hated my father for not being more of a father. Hated my mother for the bond her and my sister shared. And hated my brother for being such a great guy. Maybe hate is a strong word, lets just say I carried this big chip on my shoulder. I've always got upset when women didn't show me the attention that I felt I deserved or didn't take the time to get to know me. Disliked family for not making me feel like I was family. Angry at times with God for even being, and angry with my self for thinking the way I do.

If I died tomorrow I know they would move on. My mother would shed her tears of course, I think dad would, I know the brother and sister would. I don't know who would get my stuff or what they would do with it, but I'm sure it wouldn't be to my liking regardless of any Will I may decide to write as if I should care anyway. My son has a family and i know they would take care of him, I mean shit I know my family wouldn't. I'm ranting now I know. I'm sure this is all just me coming of age and realizing that in all actuality none of this really matters. Lives are trivial aswell as the affairs I mean really how much will any of it matter 100 years from now. Bleek I know but fuckit. These things anger me, but most of all I think what angers me is I see that we don't take the time to notice or get to know one another because we overlook the fact that we are brief, one of a kind, miracles...and we don't even care. Whats fuckin wit dat?

The Black Ocean

Due to some lack of support. (Typical click attitudes) Aswell as a need to move to other topics and i've put them off much to long now. I've decided to end my tribute to Stuart with word delivered by the man himself in a poem he wrote supplied by his closest friend, Gary.

Voice OF the BLACK Ocean

From darkness we came
and TO darkness WE return
THIS IS NOT the voice of deSPair

ALL of our lyrics
ALL of our paintings
ALL of our poetry,
each OF our works

ride THE waves of the BLACK OCEAN
we DO not know
WE DO not understand
WE are not wise

Born FROM the oblivious space
every art attempts to encapsulate
We are the goal OF science
the aim OF religion.


The Original DEEp THINker(We will forever miss you little man.)

Nature's Son...(For Stuart)Part 2

continued...............

When Stuart was released a few days later, Jim, Matt, and I went to his house to see him. We took a walk and talked about things, regular things to take our mind off the fact one of us would be gone soon and i think we all knew it, just affraid to admit it to each other and to ourselves. It was impossible to imagine ourselves without him. Sometimes it still is.
He confessed to us that he was seeing a girl that we all figured had had already slept with, but we were wrong because they had just recently consummated the relationship. And she was the one who took him to the hospital after he cut himself because he called her. And when he died I have no doubt she became a little more lost than the rest of us because they were good for each other, but what can you do when you find someone who loves you and then they die soon after? I suppose if you're young enough you move on and try to find soemone else to fill the void before it becomes and cancer. I wonder how she's doing.

He didn't want to stay at his place, and we didn't want him to either, and so we all went to my place and hung out for awhile, talking and reminiscing about just random shit. I wish I could remember every detail and every laugh and wink and trash-talk we mad that day, that last day, but i can't remember the conversation any more than I can remember what he wore in his casket-laid out for everyone to get one last look. What I do remember is at some point he went outside, to get some air - he was tired of being indoors. Torn between my desire to give him space and smother him with reasurring love, I decided to join him after a short while. He was sitting on the ground in the parking lot, thinking. I'm not sure what - I can't really remember. He was simply afraid he was crazy and his mind was slipping. I told him we all have times of doubt, where it seems like everything is going wrong and there isn't any reason to go on, and yet here we are - barley twenty-one and almost a lifetime ahead of us. He was afraid, he told me and he wanted a hug and so I gave him one and he cried in my shoulder. To think, a few weeks ago he was giving me a speech, when things were going to shit with Angela, about how life was worth living and we were too young to give up finding that one true love. I had never entertained the thought of suicide, but I appreciate the sentiment and felt relieved someone could see thing from my perspective. This man who told me how precious life is, was sobbing in my arms because he was tired of living.

The irony was lost to me at the time.



Poem in Stuart's Blood

Nature's Son...(For Stuart)Part 1

In (Preacher #65), toward the end of the series, Jesse Custer (our main guy) tracks down and proceeds to beat the shit out of his best friend, Cassidy. You see, sinc the beginning of the series, Cassidy and Jesse have been best friends and yet bad shit goes down-Cassidy makes some bad decisions-and Jesse decides the only way to set things right is to teach Cassidy a lesson by beating him senseless. Amidst the hail of fists Jesse reigns down on Cassidy, he shouts at him "Goddamn you! You asshole! Why the fuck did you let me down so bad!" And if I ever catch up with Stuart again. I'll do the same thing to him.

I was asked to write something about the man, and I am, but instead of talking to you about all the great times we had-the times we flirted with strangers in their homes, the times we ran around Highland Park High doing shit we had no real reason for doing, the times we first introduced pornography and hentai to our various circles of friends, the time we sat down and created Action Figure Theatre-I thought instead I'll tell you abou the day he died...and what happened after.
Here we go.
When Angela first told me the bad news I was performing a small play by Amira Baraka, called Dutchman with Saya Scott in front of an American Lit class (of which Lisa was one of the students-sitting front row, Coincidentally enough.) Saya's phone rings and it's Angela telling me that she had some bad news and was coming to pick me up. After the play I chatted with some people and then waited for Angela. In the car home she told me the news-Stuart had cut his wrist and tried to kill himself last night. And, of course, the tears came immediately because - and i really do believe this, especially now, looking back- I knew already he was dead. He was just biding his time, not wanting to leave without giving the appropriate farewells. And so we saw him in the hospital, and he looked happy, despite it all. The doctors said he was bi-polar.




Nature's Son

Two Words. One Picture.

SEx? gOOd.
Primal

The Ultimate High

Complete Me.


On a serious note, earlier this week I had a discusion with my cousin Ty about relationships.
It got me thinking I need to write another post on relationships.

Now when I ran across the image above it made me feel something that I haven't been able to admit to myself for quite sometime. I want a wife. And even more so, a child born from a marriage under God. That I believe would complete me. I mean look at that picture. Doesn't it seem like thats what we are here for?
Whats happen to us in these times where something as simple as that has become so very difficult. So difficult in fact that some of us do whatever we can to have it even if it's so very far from perfect. We settle. Maybe because we're simply tired of trying to find that person we spent so many nights dreaming of, I mean hey "when your thirsty who cares how dirty the water is, just give it to me!!" Hell most of us been drinking dirty water so long we're grown acustom to it. Life goes on.

Me. Well. I don't smoke, I don't gamble, I don't drink(much anyway). I've manage to sway the from attraction of addiction. But I remember when i fell in love with someone who was bad for me. It was like crack. I lived to be with someone who was no good for me, still trying to get that first high I got from them the first 3 months, but those months were gone, and so was the high. I know i'm not alone, so why do we do that. Not only that but when is the line drawn. Well my line was drawn when I realized(in a rare moment), that I couldn't remember the last genuinely good time I had with her, and all the arguments and silence inbetween made me realize the person i fell in love with was a lie, and nothing more. And it has to be that way.

Leaving her was like detox, I couldn't sleep, I was jittery, cold sweats,(hehe i'm really trying to paint a bad picture here). But ya know I was basically trying to fight the urge to call her or answer the phone when she called me. And just like when you quite crack you can't go back to hanging out at the crack spots, or the crowd and activities you had when you was getting high. So I found others things to do with my time. And i'm good now. In an effort as to not be long winded I'm gonna wrap this up with. If you find yourself with someone who you know is bad for you, don't listen to your heart anymore because it will betray you. Couples will argue but time should bring people closer together not drive them apart. If when you think of the person your with and there are rare moments you think of them and smile your adiction has become an affliction. Life be it too short or very long is still a one time gig, don't waist it on someone who's not uplifting you.

You may miss that one where things come together making you,
Completely Whole

Jolly Fat Man

Goody Goodie


Sherman.
This is the only pic I could use to represent the Jolly big guy we know who balls like no other in the realm of comics. Atleast in the days of the click. While there are some bad things to write about the Sherm, i won't go there just because we've always been cool and I think those involved have forgivin him for the most part.
Of course I will add that he smiled thru it all.
Now this guy may very well be a super nerd by some standards.
After learnin the art of the clicks and spending quite a reaonable amount of time in the nerd realm I was able to penetrate deep into the nerd stronhold and meet him. A nerd buddha if you will. And thru him I was able to see.........."The Red Room."
Inclosed in this room were some of the most coveted as well as expensive comic and superhero archives as well as sculptures and other numerous artifacts. Oh and the entire room was red.
The jolly man just stood in the corner and smiled with delight as I surveyed the room, answering questions as I asked him. And oddly enough somewhere deep inside....I was honored.

In the aftermath of that moment I was only able to meet him about 2 more times, and those moments were uneventful, and of course he was smiling. I have reason to believe he found a woman and they are like cyptonite to nerds, so undoubtably she single handedly ended his reign. The last I heard of the infamous Red Room is that it's contents were removed and locked away in a storage facility never to be seen again.
Good Times?

Salute!!!
The Buddha nerd,
Sherman

Arrogance & Fear

ThaONlyONe


I fell in love once, and i'll be the first to say that it is wonderland.
I'm sure the devil can relate that "when in heaven, ANY other place is hell"
And in my hell nothing really fulfills me, I'm not exactly bitter, but since the fall I haven't really been able to find someone to fill the void.
This is a public apology to all the ladies I've been with sexually or anything else for that matter, aswell as a thank you. Sorry I didn't stick around, but thanks for the time spent, I mean thats all we doing in this life anyway is finding shit to do till it's time to go.

I think it's a dream but I've had these apparitions come to me when i'm like just waking up, and they scare the shit out of me. I mean i'd probably shit if i could even move but I'm too terrified.
Hehe no bullshit it's like a primal fear, i go into caveman mode, like a deer trapped in the headlights. I've been telling myself that they're my inner demons/the inner war within myself, but i'm not psycologist.
The last 2 years i've been kinda forcing myself into these pointless relationships mainly because I'd really like to be in a monogomous(and i'm sure i spelled that wrong, hehe typical guy) relationship. Still it's so obvious to me that I've become really picky, easily bored, and at times a bit repulsed. I'm difficult to be with. DAMn. Takin it in. And I think thats spilled over into the friends arena of my life as well. Trust as become diffuclt too as of late.

LOL btw I'm really arrogant now, and I don't know where that came from. My life is going really good now and I do feel like i'm the shit these days. Anyone who can't feel it is hating, fuck'em. For example.(I'll let the arrogance take hold for the rest of this post hehe)

I KNOW i'm good. A diamond if you will. All my shit is str8, I have one son that I take care of and not cause I feel I have to, cause i want to. I BALL, and legally so the law ain't comin for my shit. And no one really likes it when I say I Ball cause I say it alot now hehe, but I really do Ball, there aint one person who reads this stuff and knows me that'll say otherwise. I could step out this bitch into the world today and bring home whatever I want. Shit I only bought my Bimmer a few months ago because I was bored. Not only that but I try to stay humble, i mean i know i could loose all this shit tomorrow and i'm cool with that. I've lost before, my huslte is REMARKABLE, believe me when i say I came from the bottom, came up, got knocked back down, then got back up and got even more.
My Ballin as been in question before if you read some of these back post, I come thru.
Anyway i'm done with this, parting words.
To know me, is to love me.
Yall be cool.
One.

Saturated

Rockit Science

Tom Fool & Lessence


I'm so happy these days.
Incase ya wondering why I haven't been updating my site lately, it's mostly because I've been intensely writing music for the up coming ONlyOnes Album thats been long over due. Finally i was able to convince Tom Fool Aka the STikFiga to sit down and do a album with me. This my friends is a match made in heaven, I've had so much fun working on this project that it doesn't even feel like i'm working. We hooked up with this white dude (Shoop), who's gonna be producing it, and recording will be done by the well known Johnny Quest.

Those close will get a copy, but I hope you'll support me by letting making the next guy purchase it rather than ripping them a copy. Although i probably won't care much either way.
We did a lil backstabbing to make this happen, and i hope the third party doesn't hold that against us, it needed to be done.
Theres not much turning back now though, I'll be doing shows. I mean thats just the way Tom Fool gets down and i know he's not gonna keep this stuff we working on bottled up. I'll be cool although at first i'm sure he'll be upstaging me, he's a great showman and i hope to be as good as him in time. Anyway i'm gonna end this, I'll be back atcha with my usual really soon since we're almost done. Till then.
Thanks for comin out.
God Bless you.
PEace.
Tha OnLyOneS