Sunday, December 17, 2006

My Two Cents....




Today I went to church and a message was delivered to me that I don't think I can ignore. "Have you let your talents be used in God's work?" I've used this page in the past to "show my ass" for the most part, and have been good at it mind you. But as of now focus has changed, with a slight twist of course cause I'm twisted.

For those of you about "points" the point of my page initially was to show change. I like to analyze and I especially like to analyze myself. Looking back on old posts I've written on here I've been able to look at myself from the 3rd person. Because I wanted to see what it was about me that made some people adore me, while others despised me. I've found that at times I'm quite vulnerable, while at other times just full of myself (I like those times by the way). But other times I really have something to say and while I don't get the comments I like when I deal into the fundamentals of life, I do like the phone calls and thank yous for posts like "Jesus was a man people".

I intend to write alot more posts like that because I think I have something to say when it comes to religion as a whole. And I believe I should use my talents to glorify God being that he's done so much for me. But I'm still me so there will be a twist, just so long as I can still sleep at night. Incase some of you didn't know I haven't worked for like 3 monts now. Thru true friends and Jesus I still have EVERYTHING. And it's good. Now...."the letters", I really thought people would see the big picture but I over estimated the intellect and maturity of some of the poeple who read my posts, I apologize. While being stuck on myself I forgot that they too contribute to why people come here and read what it is I have to say, and I apologize.
So with out condemming myself to hell and taking a few others with me I intend to write posts on bible related scriptures and still of course give my opinion, some example i've seen in life etc, etc, and just take if from there. I've been scanning thru it quite a bit lately and incase ya didn't know it has a ton of life drama in it from love stories to back stabbers, gossip and what have you. So I hope I gain support in this indeavor and that you pray for me to get the right messages across. And I hope that can be as special to each of you as you are to me......even the haters.


P.S. Don't think for a minute i'm gonna try to be on here preaching to people, that aint my bag.
but I am gonna have plenty to talk about.

Yall be cool. Posted by Picasa

Friday, December 08, 2006

Sleeping with the enemy.
























/Anthony

FOR THE SECOND TIME i DIDNT TELL BRYSON TO CALL YOU.
I ASKED HIM AND HE SAID HE DIDN'T CALL YOU. I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU RUNNING
TO SHAUNEL'LE WITH ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT ME OR COMMENTS
YOU WANT TO TELL HER ABOUT ME EITHER.
EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU PROBLEMS GET CAUSED SO I GUESS
THIS IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE A "HI AND BYE" RELATIONSHIP.

BYE !!
~ /
She was cheating on me.....with that guy.

My fault, I was trying to make a broken relationship work. I used to do that all the time. I gave women so much power over me. Captured by beauty and lust (i think anyway). I always fell in love. Probably why I have such a low tolerance for women I talk to now, though I'm getting better, nobodies perfect right. I"ve been cheated on by atleast two women that I know of anyway. Each time I saw it coming, but I didn't want to believe that my sweet precious love would do such a thing. Looking back, it was disgusting. In truth as my buddy Love Jones put it though, '2 girls hurt my feeling and I know it's not your fault...........but it aint mines.

Holla. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, December 02, 2006

OOPS!










Gonna hop around a bit, this one should be more embarrassing for me.
Back story is, this was the second girl I ever slept with. She was kinda popular but anyway. After knowning each other for about 2 weeks, we had sex, and sex, and sex, and sex. I thought I was in love, lots of letters went back and forth between us in the year of 98. Short of the long is she came thru, laid down and went to sleep. (I still don't think she was sleep). I figured I'd "stir it like mu'fuckin coffee" , if ya know what I mean.
(try to get some sex in other words) She hops up like whats going on. Quitely begins putting on her shoes, while she ties one I quietly tie the other. Then she's gone....no I didn't stop her. I was kinda shook really.
Next day I get this.

/Anthony,

Hey what in the hell is wrong with you? That wasn't even coo. Why you hurt me like that? I think it's safe to say I can classify you in the same group as with the rest of them
niggas. What I think about it, I though you was different. I guess thats what I get for thinking.
Now can you see why scared to fall in love.


****/

bullshit

Lil did I know that would be one of many very confusing days, and notes like these.
Misunderstandings, and mishaps. Posted by Picasa

Friday, December 01, 2006

First One



Fresh of the plane from the ATL, back in fucking Topeka. A highschool dropout who came back. My pursuit for the coveted HS diploma is sidetracked by who else but women. Incase your wondering I got that diploma though.





Sept, 1997
/Anthony,

Hey whats up? I didn't think I'd ever do this and I bet you never thought I would do something this dumb to get your attention. Justin was supposed to ask you what you were doing tonight but he insisted that I do it. I'm not sure what to say though. I finally got the courage to call you and I left a message at your work, but some guy named Tony called back. I'm not sure what we're doing yet, but if you're not busy would you like to do something with Justin, Jenn, and me? Justin's meting us at KFC around 11:30. It's no big deal, but it would be really nice if you came with us. If not that's fine. Well this was really embarrassing.
I'll let you go.

Sincerely,
****

p.S. Did you know Justin thinks you're attractive? Just wondering.
Well thats kind of how I figured he felt when he described you to me./

(Damn near every girl Justin introduced me to that year like me. He was getting tired of it, and that was just an ongoing joke at that point. Wish I had was he said wrote down though.)Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The Letters

Ok, well I'm feeling kinda lazy so I came up with this great idea. The whole "perfect guy, perfect girl" thing bores me so I'm gonna do something else. I've closed a chapter in my life, and as a result, I'm gonna scribe nearly every letter, love note, hate note, etc. that I've ever recieved in the past few years for your reading pleasure. I think it'll be cool, and I hope you enjoy it. Not only that but I manage to get some of the stuff I wrote them back so I'll also be posting that aswell, I mean some of this stuff is me when I was like 17 years old. I've also took off the comment moderator, but if you insist on comment to start shit, I'll put it back on. (You know who you are). By the way I have not secrets other than what would simply be considered inappropriate to display online. If YOU do have something to tell someone about me, this would be the time to do it. I'm never gonna let anyone hold something over my head so my reply would be "do you". I'm not the person I was last year, and I will admit he was an all out asshole. Now I'm only a quarter of that. Don't start shit just to start shit, especially if it aint true.

To the notorious "Anon" do what you need to do, but after that brush the dirt off ya shoulders and lets get back to what people used to enjoy doing on here. Commenting on my posts and enjoying my writing.

HOlla!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

She's Perfect




-Song of Solomon "Like a lily among thorny weeds, so is my girl companion among the daughters."-




"The Dime"

With atleat 20 years of experience in the field I think I can deliver quite an expert opinion on the subject.


Physical attibutes are in most matters a must, the apple bottom, full lips, breats arent' really a must but it would be nice to atleast have a handful. Flat tight stomachs are not only attractive but show character if you ask me. Good teeth are always a must, bad dentals can always fuck up the prettiest face. In this world we live in today, just about any man attributes are a no no.
Me personally, I'm a sucker for pretty faces, smooth skin, toned stomach, legs, and ass.
I've always thought women who grow up looking like they dad got a raw deal.

Personality and mentality go hand in hand. I like women who can hold they own in any enviornment. She don't just stand there with a dumb look on her face. Open mindedness with a touch of spontenaety is always a plus, that way things don't get boring. I really think it's good to be with someone that is just if not more attractive mentally than physically. The typical "Miss A-Team" is always on her A-game. She dresses better than me, smells better than me, keeps her hair done, doesn't wear too much make up. Her panties and her bra match, and sometimes they match with what she has on. She like to read a book or two once if not twice a month, and they don't have to be just sex novels, and she's just as smart as I am if not more, but doesn't hold it over me, or anyones elses. Religion is always a must but not blindy to the point that she could be led off into some kind of cult. Truth is to self.(Think about it...)

Quick insert here, theres a saying "I wanna girl when I wanna girl, and when I don't wanna girl, I wanna girl who understands that. " In other words please have a life. And understand that I have one too, I don't wanna spend all my time couped up under you. Every once in awhile I wanna be told no. I'll still love ya in the morning.

Ya know I've been one of those guys who quickly get bored with women. And ya know what? I believe that the most important part of a relationship is the beginning/courtship. Most of us like courtship so much that when it's over so is the relationship. An inside tip ladies, if a man likes you and you really, really like him. LOL, make him wait, and I don't mean make him wait for a week or 2, shit if you can make him wait like 6 months, man I wish a woman would make me wait like 6 months and still call me every other day asking me to come by while still showing a geniune interest in who I am. See if he really like you and you mean the world to him like he says or you think. He'll wait. WoW parents were right on that one.
Word up.
Maybe I'm on point maybe not. (I think I am by the way.) Try it.


Oh yeah if any of ya wanna send in a perfect man post, don't write it on the comments page.
Send it to me at aelrod1@cox.net and i'll post it for you. If I get more than one then I'll just pick which one i like the best and post it. Oh yeah send a pic to go with if unless you trust me to pick one for you. No Male Nudity On My Site.(I mean really come on).

Yall be cool. Posted by Picasa

Friday, November 03, 2006

Fuck You!!....just one of those days.



















Where to be begin.......fuck it.

  • Fuck you to the mother of my son for being such a bitch.
  • Fuck you to that guy at work who said that most black people are lazy.
  • Fuck you to that fat bitch at KFC who dissed me, I wasn't even tryin to holla at you.
  • Fuck you to 2 friends who actually thought I was trying to get with they 2 tired girlfriends
    like I really want a niggaz left overs.
  • Fuck you to women who don't just say what really going on, don't bullshit me.
  • Fuck you to that someone who always pops in and out of my life every 4 or 6 months like
    I'm just something she can' t pick up and put down whenever she feel like it. I'M
    TONY FLACO BITCH.
  • Fuck you to niggaz who just be hating. I mean really hating. And Don't Even know me.
  • Fuck you to these tight ass prep white bitches, like they better to somebody.
  • Fuck you to people who got something bad to say about me and my local cause we on
    strike.
  • Fuck you Denny's
  • Fuck you Hardeez
  • Fuck you to SOMEBODY who takes up people they know in the wrong, especially when
    they got a problem with me.
  • Fuck you to those bitches who play games word up.
  • Fuck you to women I done fucked already and then they see me in public and act like they
    don't know me.
  • Fuck the anonymous muthafuckaz who talk shit on my site and it ain't even about me.
  • Fuck random pointless comments altogether.
  • Fuck you Hollywood talk people I meet in the streets.
  • Fuck foes who act like they friends, just be real. And
  • Fuck all this bullshit I got to put up wit in a day just to sit here and write on this
  • Fuckin blog.
  • FUCK THIS!!!, if ya don't like me as a friend then step the fuck off, and stop coming on here aswell. I don't even care if i loose readers. Cause I won't loose sleep, I'm gonna keep doing me. Str8 Ball. If you seen me out and about you know what I mean.
    I'm gone be Good, thats me.
    Roll wit it or roll out, and eat a dick while you at it.
    Holla.




Posted by Picasa

Saturday, October 21, 2006

"Anonymous is an Option"


I'm so Focused right now.

Hello people, how are you today.
Thank you so much for visiting and reading what it is I have to say.
By the way, if you comment and don't wanna socialize with me.
Anonymous is an option, so use it wisely.

In the words of the late Frank White (Biggie) "If ya don't know, now ya know niggaz." If you come to my site and leave a means of which I can contact you, especially if you are a new reader. Then quite simply I will, I honestly cannot help it. Because I want you to come back, with friends lol. This site as been moving along quite well for the almost 2 years, and I know more of you read than leave comments(which hurts I might add). Well, I have something for you today. I can't think of a better or more clever way to do this than just getting right into it.

I wanted more comments than I actually recieved on one of my recent posts but I was happy because I saw I had "new readers". I like to network and make friends to expand what I would like to call a fan base, I don't think I've ever used the internet to meet women or men for anything beyond that, anyone who knows me correct me on that if it's not the truth.
More to the point someone came to my site and left a comment and a means of which to contact them via the internet, so I did with a simple network request. To which they contacted me again on this other site and pretty much initiated dialect with me simply to be little, be cold, and be condesending. Do I deserve this? Really?

I came to find later that I was set up to fail with this woman (obviously). And while now I find it amusing and I thank her because I really needed some new material to write, and I've manage to think up two new posts from this one incident. Coming back to the point though, in the small spectrum that I may have looked on the situation all wrong. In the future people if you don't wanna be bothered, or you don't wanna go beyond leaving a simple comment on my site "Anonymous is an Option" that you are all welcomed to use. It is there for you. I have no hard feelings, I'm not mad at anyone, but to come to my site and leave a comment, then leave a link for me to contact you or know who you are, is well......stupid. That is, if you really don't wanna talk to me.
Luv ya!

Tootles. Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 16, 2006

Bow Down!


I've often wondered what made a woman stay with a man who completely dominates her. I've heard the many excuses from the mouths of the beaten.
exp."He really loves me", "I wanna keep my kids with the father"(while getting knocked up over and over my the same man who routinely slaps you in the mouth as a hobby), and many, many more.

Now, maybe I'm jealous. I mean I've never to my own knowledge, been with a woman that i could beat the shit out of, call a bitch repeatly and still be able to come over next week to get some ass, food, and a place to sleep. Not that I would, but it would be nice to know that much of a margin for fucking up would be possible, because believe me my lil shit would be a walk in the park for a bitch built like that. Oh and why do I call them bitches might you ask? Because they allow themselves to be called bitches anyway so fuckit.

Now if your out there reading this and I've offended you because you are a victim of spousal abuse then lets be real. Should you really be mad at me for pointing out the obvious? Issues people and we all have them, I'm just glad mine don't involve picking myself up from the ground after someone I routinely have sex with just kick my ass over some shit like they aint know me.

The latter, Mr. Macho who beats women like he didn't have a mother. No, he was born from the sweat of Man, "I answer to know one". Then tries to break it to the homey's like it's cool. You see these people in action and you realize, he don't know anymore what it is to be a man than she knows what one is. I mean shit I personally want a woman, not a damn servant or someone who's walking on egg shells around me hoping I just don't flip and bust that ass, cause aint enough sugar in the kool aid. Str8 up, I've seen it first hand and once she lets the muthafucka know she aint going no where it will and does go that far, little shit got her holding her eye crying and apologizing, "What kinda shit is that?"

Anyway I'm just bullshitting, saw this picture, thought it was funny, and said fuckit.
I can't relate to that lifestyle, I don't understand, and that doesn't bother me.
My moddo "I don't hit you, you don't hit me." Plain and simple. No excuses.
Anyone who tolerates that either as self-esteem issues, or is just fucking stupid.
And if I'm ignorant in this matter, then my ignorance is bliss.
Holla back. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Jesus Was A Man people!!


Change of pace.

First of all allow me to say that I consider myself a Christian although I express a certain amount of curiosity and respect for all types of religions. Lately I've been ranting quite a bit about a certain subject and so far I've been given no support or understanding for the way that I feel. I'm hoping to change that tide of opposition today.

Where to begin.............
Ok, as christians, who believe in christ as Lord and savior, and who are encouraged to have a personal relationship with him all through our daily lives, sometimes it bothers me that none of them even know his favorite color. Or for that matter what his favorite food was. My point is, think of every other relationship you hold with so many others in your life and you know and for that matter should know everything thing about them. But how well do you really know Jesus. The disciples spent atleast 11 or 12 years with him before he was killed and they never just spoke of a day when they was just kickin it, everything mentioned of him was so pivital, critical, and dramatic. I'm simply saying that it took away something that I don't think people really grasp at times.

JESUS WAS A MAN people, he slept, ate, pissed, took a shit, all of those lil things we are all burden to do from the pretteist face to the most unappealing person you can think of in your life. The MAN blew his nose, passed gas, add body odor if he didn't wash, everything. Those things didn't take away his glory if you believed he was the Son of God, or that he was God. He was an example of how God intended us to be even with all the ailgments that come along with being human in this world. And maybe it's a temper tantrum but I want more, like anyone would want more when they are in love with someone, I want to know him more personally and I think we all should. I can't sit down and worship like Catholics do because it's seem so ceremoniously drawn out and staged(no offense), but when I think of all the people I love in just plain human nature, I don't approach them that way, which is probably why so many more can't relate.

My site/blog is named after a book a read some years ago, very hard read. It's subject is about original sin, the tragedy behind Adam and Eve's transgretion. But it made me realize that sin didn't orginate in man, but in heaven it self when Satan took arms again God. Jealously I believe is the word(amond other things might I add). It interests me alot how people relate to God, inpart because most assume that I don't, but it's not my fault that can't see it.

I just don't like when you take so much from a person, that all you end up knowning is the legend.

Yall be cool. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Mother and Son



On a serious note real quick. Anyone who knows me, knows how much of a Tupac fan I am since I was 14 and first heard "Strickly 4 My Niggaz" his second album. I like the picture he took with his mother the most because it reminds you that regardless of what anyone thinks about Pac he was someones child and I believe, generally a good person. Today I'm gonna cruise my town playing his music in remeberance. I know I speak for alot of people out there when I say "We miss you man."

September 13, 1996................................


I'd also like to take a moment to remember some of my family and homeboys who died before they time. --John "Dakem" Frankin(cousin). Stuart Franklin. Demetre King. Bridgette. Tiffany Elrod(my older sister). Boo. X. Annet. Anna & Robert-for showing me true love.

We all family really though, yall.
"Am I my brothers keeper?" --Yes, I am.

Yall be cool. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, September 09, 2006

The Act



The thing I treasured most in life was that this word would not effect me. For the most part the last 2 and a half years I've manage to no give a fuck about what any woman I was involved with was doing when not with me. Hell usually I encouraged them to look else where for thier own good. But now we have a probem. I'm talking to "her" on the phone now as I write this post and the topic of cheating came up. At first I gave myself the illusion that I was simply trying to see how much shit I could get away with, but that cheating shit is played out. Besides I've done enough messing around and it's gotten me no where fast. But then it hit me. Dare I say it but I think I would be highly pissed off if someone even touched her sexually.

So now I have to wonder what that means, and how I'm gonna deal with this new found emotion that I've managed to ward off for so long. I really enjoyed not giving a fuck, shit how could this have happened. FUCk!!................. maybe it's cool, maybe I don't have to be one of those couple people. I can do this. What am I saying now, because I have no idea.

Cheating is the farthest thing from my mind right now though I must admit. I think the fore front is the expectations. the remembering birthdays and other random responsibilities that present themselves when you become involved with someone. Oh yeah and the actually giving a fuck that sucks, and still what can I say but, "hey, I really like her."

The fact that I've found someone I really like is beyond me. I just hope supporters and haters will just take a moment and if nothing else be happy for me. I'm really just a lost soul trying to find my way home.

Fall back and let me shine for a minute will ya.
Yall be cool. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Great Full


New Crew, New Shoes, New Cars, New Ways to Move.

I like my new friends, and I'm not gonna even say "so far", I'm just gonna take it like it is right now. It may be gay so say but hey, "they really make me happy." I've met and communicated with those who would like to see me fall, and sometimes that weighs on me heavily, but right now with things being good I try not to let negative people get me down. I'm trying to enjoy the moment. I'm so focused on enjoying a life that was so hard and desperate just ten years ago that by any means I simply disconnect any one or anything that would ruin the eye of the storm that I'm in right now.

Life is short or rather is can be very short. I thought about this alot after my motorcycle accident(news update by the way I AM riding again.....slower though lol.) I take time to smell the roses, let somethings go, this would probably be a good time for anyone I've ever had a problem with to make good with me. It's like right after I got up off that road, something clicked in my head and said every second that passes from this moment would have passed without you, and left you where you lay. I almost cried probably six times that day and the day after, but no tears really came, just moments of intense emotion. At the same time I must admit that alot of the crazy things I did on my bike were because part of me wanted to die, not from depression or anything like that. I just didn't want to live to see the possible downfall that some of you want to come upon me. I didn't want to reap what I'd sowed, whatever that may be in the future. I didn't want to grow old. Yet and still I wake up every morning and I'm here. Theres so much more to that than just saying it. Two others died on thier bikes after my accident, a 19 year old named Leo, and a 24 year old named Robbie. And I was going faster than them when I took my spill, I wonder what that means sometimes. Maybe shit just happens. I know you people don't have great attention spans for long blog posts so I'm gonnna end it here with. I'm sorry for what ever I may have done to any of you. I'm just taking things as they come. You may not believe me but I cherish/cherished the presence of you all in my life and if I could I would take back the time to make things right.
Yall be cool. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Present Government Speaks!!!

And what do we say?

There is only one woman who can even entertain the notion of me considering to settling down with her. And she shall remain nameless. Present government wants nothing to do with a relationship otherwise.
What sparked this topic might I add. A few weeks ago I ran into this female I knew back when I was acting like a girl, ya know wanting desperately to be a part of something(SPECIAL) lol, I crack me up.
Anyway we fucked, one time I pushed it to happen I'll be honest but at the time she wanted it too. So years go by and I mean like 5 or 6 years go by and by chance (topeka) I run into her at a club. These days I'm picky as hell and I get bored easily and so on, those who know me now understand what I'm getting at. Still I'm happy to see her mainly because I'm a very nostalgic person. I ask for her number she gives it and I give her mine, tell her we should get together sometime for old times sake, have some dinner or something I'm not being as hard on her as I usually am mainly because of her link to the past. Now I Don't think that she wants to hook up with me by any means and I say this because I'll be damned if she didn't kinda give me the cold shoulder just days later so I guess all that at the club was Hollywood talk. Thing is I'm so fucking honest these days to women, sometimes painfully. And I get shit from that from time to time. But I mean shit this has happen before one way or another. I mean why couldn't she have just been like, " nigga please I don't even really wanna talk to you", or just said no. Then I could just write a post about how fucked up that was. No instead it has to be drawn out and I have to figure that shit out, which isn't cool if you ask me. Same goes for the other way around, I tell a female "I don't want no girl friend, I just wanna be friends. " She says ok. But she lying cause 2 weeks and sometimes 2 days lata she trying make it more than it is, and I'm suppose to feel bad or like I have commitment problems cause I aint with her progarm. You women kill me. Then you actually got the nerve to say there ain't no good men. Maybe you just ain't a good woman. What you are is what you get, and what you get is what you really looking for. I'll be the first to admit that I've pulled more than my share of good women. All of them in college, or have they own homes and good jobs. I fucked it up cause I just aint ready to settle right now.
But I'm getting there, I mean I aint getting no younger.
HOLLa!! Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Where My Dogs At?

This next year will be something quite special for me. Ladies and Gentlemen if I may(and I may). I would like to introduce my soon to be new roommate for the next year before we go on to bigger and even much better things. The One and Only MIKE JONES(not the rapper..........better).

Me and this guy meeting are like the perfect storm. It's good for us, probably bad for women who don't understand.

Mike? You take it from here man.

there is one thing in the world that men do not really understand, and im pretty sure everyone knows what i'm talking about. however, a man begins to understanda woman, even if all he understands how to do is get her in bed, he will take full advantage of that. it's wonderful when u find something that works. regardless of his intentions in the relationship, he will use what he knows and do what works. if he is a gorilla in bed, do u think he's gonna try and understand why he is that way? or maybe try and figure out another aspect of a woman. not until he has met his match. unfortunately, meeting his match might cause him to slip even further and continue to utilize his "powers." shit is sad, silk the shocker told me that it aint my fault. i believe that in a sense. being 22 and 4 years removed from a relationship of any meaning, i say fuck it. like my homie lessence(anthony), i have realized that it's pointless to try and start a relationship with a woman when all i really wanna do is see her naked. my step mom says i'm a pig so it's nothing new. some will probably say that i have a fear of committment. i'll put it this way. my first "girlfriend" had a boyfriend the entire time we were hooking up. men aren't the only dogs, women are just a little slicker. at the tender age of 15 i was smacked back and forth across the ping pong table like a bitch. one minute it was i love u and i wanna be with u and the next minute she was making out with her boyfriend right in from of me in the hallway at skool. good thing that only wasted 2 years of my life. finally i got over her, but it wasn't without further hurt. the next young lady seemed harmless enough so i wasn't scared to develop a little crush. after prom and about 2 months of quart ship(translation: we were "talking") miss caramel dipped queen, broke it to me. "i have been talking to someone since january"...Damn homie, in high skool u was the man homie. i really didn't understand this. Especially cuz her best friend told me it was in the bag. so months went by, and i guess thing didn't work out. so we started talking again and eventually "fell in love" at least on of us did. long story short, she was a little better than the firstbut it hurt worse. 4 years after u have the man that stands before u. lil wayne says it's best, but idon't wanna be too harsh. i am, for the most part, the way i am because i have been shaped by 2 women who treated me like a bitch. i used to be nice. all the shit that women SAY they want in a man, and guess what, i was still played like a bitch. needless to say, since then i haven't been hurt like that. i'm more confident and self-centered than ever. so sorry if women don't like to hear it but until i "meet my match" for the third time, a few hearts will get broken and a few back will too. holler at me if u need clarification or feel sorry for me. 2 girls really hurt my feelings, and i know it's not your fault......... but it aint mine.

What a year it's gonna be people. Posted by Picasa

Careful Now



When it comes to women, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a slow learner. I can't really tell if a woman likes me unless she damn near spells if out for me. Also for the most part unfortunately I can't tell if a woman doesn't like me, unless she spells if out of me. In my current drunkin state I made the mistake of reviewing some of the feedback that I get from my numerous posts and one of them which has stuck with me everytime I read it. Unfortunatley "nikki" decided to send to me comments telling me about those of you who don't quite like me.
Needless to say that while I shouldn't care I found this troubling. I mean really are my views that bad when concerning women. I mean ya still gotta give it to me, I don't decieve the women who like me or take any interest in me of any kind. I'm quite honest on the contrary and is it really my fault if they choose to talk to me anyway? I may be closer to your hearts than I appear that this moment in time. I mean some of you I'm sure don't even know me, and from what I get wouldn't even like to take that chance to get to know me and thats not fair, cause to know me is to love me. I'm a really cool guy, I hear it all the time. I retrospect I really wish the gloves could have came off for just a moment when I posted that I was in an accident, it took alot of pain to sit there and write to everyone what I had just went thru, I'm still recovering from it. No woman for the last 3 years or so can truly say that I was committed to her, and in that regard when I do some of the things that I do thats my perrogative, I'm what I like to call "A free man". It's easy for me to tolerate alot of things people might, or have said about me because I don't have a problem with anyone, I really just like the feedback good or bad.

While I don't intend, anytime soon to take back anything that I've said on my blog. I will say that there is a purpose to my way of thinking. I really don't want to spend the rest of my days alone. I just know what I want and have no intentions of settling for anything less. A woman made me this way mind you and while it wasn't easy to see at first, I've thanked her for it more than once. I don't intend to make the same mistakes twice. Like any man I must admit I've done some wrong. Broke a few hearts, thought with my dick, etc. But damn, I'm only human. I'm on top of my game, I don't have nothing(if ya know what i mean), and overall I'm in great health. So whats the big deal. I dare any of my haters to take the chance to get to know me. But be careful, ya just might end up liking me. Nikki wasn't that much of a fool.
Yall be cool.........I'm going to bed. Posted by Picasa

Monday, June 26, 2006

THE SKINNY!!!



I gotta ask the ladies whats so bad about skinny guys.
I've been skinny my whole life and though it could possibly be just because I don't know any better, but I like it.

Lets not forget that most of those big guys are just gonna get fat when they stop working out all the time. I know i'm always gonna be able to see what lurks below my waist, and really the only concern we have is keeping a six pack, other than that life is pretty much all good. I was gonna wait on this post because I'm not my cocky self these days since I took that slide down 37th street on my arms, back, and head, but I'm giving it my best.
Ok here we go.
Bruce Lee, skinny guy, kicked maj0r ass and blew up doing it. The guys a legend, Arnold Schwarzenegger what a big guy, but he wasn't known for kickin no ass. Thats one for the skinny.
Tupac Shakur, skinny guy, coined the phrase "I get around", and did just that till the day he died. Aight I'll admit as he once did that it was mostly the fame, money, and charisma, but hey it happend. Thats two.
I'm not hating on athletes don't get me wrong, I used to be one too, but getting money is a better hobby. Plus I aint got the time to be sitting up in a gym all day with a bunch of other guys and taking showers together and shit like that. I'm tryna ball.
I'll hit up a spot and take my shirt off, it don't much bother me. I'm just skinny, I don't look like skin and bones. I'm still keeping hope alive that the skinny will have it's day, not the sick skinny like those white chicks you see in the magazines, but the slim cats like snoop dogg and T.I., just without the money(or not as much.)
Ah few years back though, this girl laughed at after I took my shirt off. I was like damn she just really cut up the mood tellin me how skinny I am. We still did the "serious" but it kinda stuck with me, even though she still really liked me I had to fall back. Drawbacks are there ya know, like when the wind blows too hard, or some big guy asked to you watch out lil dude,(that aint happened in years but it did), but I guess you take the good with the bad.
And we have our talents believe me. Just ask somebody. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Power Shit.


Ok, ok. I begged and begged enough so now that I have a post from "The Gary", I'm gonna go ahead and........post it.
He told me if I didn't like it then "fuck me", but I'm not gonna judge, I'll let you judge. Don't be gentle this guy teaches writing. lol.

Here we go.






"If you could have ONE superpower what would it be?"
Classic question right? The kind of question anyone can answer, whether they're a comic aficionado or a college professor. However we all hear the usual answers: Super strength, flight, invisibility, blah, blah, blah. There are two biggies that most of us would pick without hesitation: telepathy and telekinesis.

With telepathy you can do damn near anything-convince people to give you money, tell people you hate to go and kill themselves and walk away legally-legit, persuade ANY woman to fuck you. And telepathy doesn't mean mind-control-you can do all of these things to a person and leave them convince they wanted to do them. Similarly, with telekinesis the sky's the limit: you can fly, explode people's heads, move mountains (literally) and give yourself some extra protection if you've found yourself involved with the police or the stereotypical crazy niggaz we all run into from time to time.
Granted both powers are good there are so many others out there that warrant out attention. So without further ado here are a few powers I personally think are interesting.
Most of you are somewhat familiar with Multiple Man since he was in X3 this May(a terrible movie in my opinion but thats another story) and the movie simply didn't do him justice. I mean, heres a guy who can make duplicates of himself and although the multiples have their own individuality they still- more or less, do what he wants them to do. And did I mention all of the skills the multiples learn, he learns and retains as well when he re absorbs them? Think about it- you could make a dozen multiples, send them all out to do shit: learn Japanese, study programming codes, practice drawing/painting, whatever. Then, a few months later, re-absorb them and suddenly you know how to do all of those things! I suppose, if you had a freak girlfriend you could double-team her all by yourself(Dr. Manhattan ddi it in the comic book Watchmen). Hell, I'd do it- I don't mind seeing my own dick. But we could take it to one step further- let's say you're bored one day(after all, in a hypothetical world, just because you have a power doesn't mean Dr. Doom or Magneto's down the street causing you to dedicate your life to eradicating evil) and you make a multiple. Let's say you tell the multiple......to suck your dick. He does. You re-absorb him. How you know what it's like to suck your own dick- how it tastes, everything. With that said, lets move on.
Let's stick to the X3 theme here and take a look at Mystique. There's the obvious: you can shape-shift into anyone= the ultimate thief. You could commit any crime and as long as you looked like someone else, you'd never have to worry about the cops (unless they got there before you got away). Also you could shape-shift into people with access to shit (even your neigbors, if you knew what they looked like and knew someone was home- y0u could practically steal an entire house), and of course-shape shift into the opposite gender and see how the other side lives. Which we would all do, at least for a day or two. Don't fucking lie. Now the interesting things. When Mystique changes form she completely changes the physical appereance and mass. Which means to turn into a slightly bulkier version of yourself, or slimmer version, you can. Also, you'd never age! You could keep a twenty-somthing body your entire life(and it may even extend your life). That alone seems to be worth it in today's world. Oh, and you could fulfill that lifelong fantasy of wondering how a hermaphrodite funtions.

This last one may be good....the Scarlet Witch was a one-time Avenger and the daughter of Magneto. She went crazy not too long ago in the comics and tried to kill alot of people, blah blah blah(another story for another time). But basically her power is-she can manipulate the probablility of anything. The simplest example would be, say she buys a lottery ticket and then uses her power. Presto, she has the winning ticket. That alone may well be worth it- you could become a millionare without having to do anything illegal (unlike nearly every other power, including telepathy). But she can also just make shit happen that simpy shouldn't happen-anything improbably can happen if she wants it to. She could probably give other people powers by messing with someone's DNA and so forth. She too, could get away with murder. Don't like someone, make their house collapse on them. Basically- it's like telepathy only your not messing with someone's mind. And in many ways, it's better. Walking down the street one day you find 1st class ticket to Japan discarded in a trash can by accident, then you run into a trove of women who all want to have a dick sucking contest with you as the judge (or men who want to do a pussy eating contest, whichever) and then you walk by a dealershit where the salesman is going bankrupt and selling cars for a few hundred bucks a piece. Shit like that could happen everyday if you had her powers. In a comic she managed to get herself pregnant just because she wanted a baby. Shit is crazy.

Well, three is more than enough, I think, so I'll stop for now and maybe Anthony will let me follow up with some more unusual character powers someday. In the meantime though-if you could have any superpower, what would it be?
(You can't say Superman.)

I'm out....Posted by Picasa

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Damn........aint this a bitch?

While currently in alot of pain, i decided to write this post to annouce that earlier today i was in a motorcycle accident.

I rear ended a chevy suburban and pretty much slid down the street. On my head. Thank God I had a helmet on. My injuries though not life threatening are pretty bad. I have a hard time getting around, and I have no idea how I'm gonna bath myself for the next week or so.
My beautiful bike is totalled, I was later told at the hospital. My wounds have to be cleaned and dressed twice a day for an undeterminded amount of time. But hey, I'm Alive.

Friday, May 12, 2006

These Things Happen.(HO Adventures.)

I recieved an email from one of my homegirls recently about one of her many "ho adventures" as I would like to call them. She relays quite a few stories my way of the hoes she choses to keep company with so I decided to start writing posts of them.

This is a rare (or not so rare) look into the realm of the ho and the men, and women for that matter who exploit them.

And I quote..............


"I don't know if I'm gonna talk to you today, so you'll have to read this, yeah I know it saddens you that you might not get to talk to me. Hey what can I say I'm a busy girl.
Anyway, saturday night, I think it was saturday, yeah well go with that. Okay saturday night, I go with one of my friends (who will remain nameless), okay so I'm with this nameless friend, wait I gotta back up let me tell you how she tricked me first. She called and asked me if i wanted to go out to eat, so thinking nothing of it I said yeah.....so we go out, we eat, we talk, then she asked me if I would come with her to pick up one of her friends. Shit it's her car so I said sure. So when we get to her friends I already knew who she was talking about, these are the same no good niggaz that i used to kick it with......(shut up man I was younger okay, YOUNGER). Anyway so when we pull up I was like no I don't want to go in, I guess they saw the car pull up because then a few of 'em came out. So now I'm like "fuck" so they get to the car and was like "I know thats not *---* sitting over there", so by the end of the conversation I'm in the house. So we're all sitting around talking, you got people drinking and smoking but not me of course, I gotta say aware of my surroundings, so about an hour pass and then some other girls show up so they start playing drinking games, Anthony you should have saw these girls and what they were doing. There were bitches butt ass naked, it was one big orgy, and I don't want to stay and watch but man it was interesting, females were freaking females, males in the corner getting head, man it was crazy....and i just kinda sat there, what was I suppose to do. Anthony I found out my friend is into girls.......what if she tries to turn me out.

Okay that was one of my stories, the next actually pisses me off because my friend Layla, I told you about her, she's the one with three kids....you know what i'm just going to tell you the rest of my stories over the phone because this is email is getting too long and i'm tired of typing so you be looking for my call."


More to come folks, she has others but that was the funniest one. I told you to stop hangin out with them hoes girl, that what you get. Hopefully you'll continue to not listen to me though this shit is good. HOLLA BACK Yall!!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Nature's Son............(poem)




















I listen to the songs of old, and paint the good moments now posted on the wall.
This is for the Times,
This is for the Vibe,
This is for everything that is, and the child I used to be.
Eyes closed I feel the beat,
Hoping each time it takes me
Far Far Far away.
Where law is written by turntablalists, and B-boys patrol the streets
Political Emcees, block parties, chocolate cities, where I'd artwalk the night away
Like Jet Set Radio.
Where flavors unfold and skill is shown, I'm grown but thats my never never land
A Penny Lane hello,
A symphany fellow, and cool mellow groove, like just vibin like,
I'm Alive man in silence I'm still Time Traveling
Beyond average, still standing and non staggering.
The last of them
And my eyes are closed
And Yo I side with those, as in thugs, hustlas, and have not, I don't mean the cash pots
NO, I'm speaking of the please I have not
Not
seen the sunrise, Not felt the raindrops on my face, I've been struggling to keep pace
So I don't take time to notice.
I work for quotas, see I'm a novice in life I just want a piece of the pie
Or kick it with my dime and nickel.
An ice sickle when the weathers dry, a sweet and long goodbye, but I'll see you again
Like true friends.
I wanna wonder where the day went and yet not worry cause it was good time spent
Amongst those close like the water fights I remember.
Time rushes just like water so it seems
Fluid
Yet we swam thru it, cause to do it mean to be free.
I'd change nothing because I've made something of myself
See I'm a survivor
So A toast to the moment and to those who've made it this far
I am my brothers keeper
And I'm gone look out for yall. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Need for Speed

Ok so here's the actual picture of my2003 GSXR 750. This is the apple of my eye and currently my most prized possesion. I must say that for years I never thought I'd be one of those guys who ripped up and down town on the back of a crocth rocket, but....here it is.


This thing makes me feel like superman. I mean you can actually "cruise" at over a hundred miles an hour and it's nothing. I'd consider myself more cautious than wreckless compared to those I ride with, but it doesn't take much to get a rush from these things.

Now I get the usual when those who know me see me pull up on this thing like, "Be careful, ride safe." I can understand that, but for some reason that just rubs me wrong. I like to compare it to telling a actor to break a leg. Bad luck. I'm gonna be careful and as safe as I can, but shit happens and I've accepted that. I got this thing knowning that and besides, I wanna live more dangerously. Like a friend of mine says, "No point tip-toeing thru life just to arrive safely at death." Personally if i had to pick, I'd rather die riding my bike than choking on a chicken bone, or getting shot or stabbed or something. And shit like that goes down just going out the the club.

Taking the good with the bad, the good is that women really like bikes, breast feel really good on your back especially when you gun the throttle, and riding around feeling badass is an ego trip in itself. I'm still hoping my biker buddies don't make a monster out of me. I know Gary has thought to himself by now, "Aw shit, I done left for graduate school, and look what this crazy muthafucka got himself into." My reply is "Hey man you need to get a bike too."

The Black SuperMan has arrived.

"Some people hate me but others can all agree.
Yeah he's an asshole but really I lovit the way he speaks to me"

Yall be cool. And watch out for guys on thier bikes.

"CAGERS!" Posted by Picasa

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Food for Thought

I can't believe how many people actually read this shit, and don't leave any comments.
No "Hey man I enjoy your post, keep up the good work." No "We hate you and you ARE an ASShole, eat shit and die." Nothing. It almost feels like I'm being watched without knowing. I mean I'm so used to knowning the only person thats gonna respond is my good friend Gary, so I kinda got to thinking that this was our little private place. lol.



That is all.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Fallen

Even SuperHeroes fall.

I tell myself that sometimes when things just aint going my way.
Lately I've just been tired trying to do so much with the music and work, plus juggle my friends. I realized today that I'm an asshole, and even though I think I was driven too it I can't sugar coat my behavior or justify it in anyway.



SpiderMan saves people from people, and some people from themselves. Thru his affairs some people don't like him, this jeopardizes his family and close friends. Thru his affairs sometimes it mean fucking some people over who depend on him. RESPONSIBILITY is the word I think I'm getting at here. In a not so superhero way, I'm just like SpiderMan. And thru my affairs some people like me, and some people hate me. Though hate may be a strong word I don't think it's too far off key to use it in this post so that you all get the picture. My current mood is "pissed", and no today has not been good to me. I try and remember that "Even SuperHeroes fall."
I've strayed from responsibility, I don't like being responsible for how someone feels due to my actions which I'm sure is why I've strayed from relationships, aswell as having any more kids than the one I have now.
For some reason I thought these things would come more easily in life, but I've been wrong.
Some women have more or less began to hate me. They think that I'm immature, or that I'm unwilling to commit. I think I'm just to pessimistic for a relationship right now, but I'd like to learn to be otherwise. Is that wrong.
Relationships represent being tied down to me, and I see it in the ones around me. I go to a friends house and asking them to hang out is similar to when I was a child, knocking on a playmates door to meet those large people we called parents and saying the following, "Can Steven come out to play." Then watching on as Steven grabs his coat announcing what time he'd be back and where he'd be as if they might object, then correct him as they saw fit.

My headaches but I don't use asprin. I may need a psychologist, but I can't afford to ask him.
Sometimes I laugh in the misdst of my pain, and I'd never admit that I'm acting. Not even to myself. I'm just tired friends. Tired of the bullshit, tired of how complicated life can be sometimes. Tired of the lies, hell even tired of just watching the days go by. And then I gotta admit to myself that hey, "Even Superheroes fall", sometimes.

Today someone close broke my heart, I thought we was better than that. I hope this post doesn't sound suicidal cause I know I'm better than that. I just wanted someone to talk to, and since no one was around. I just said fuckit, got online, and jotted this shit down. Today I can't front I'm really feeling this frown. But to those who still down stick around, I know I'll smile again.

So here's to friends.........

And everything that comes with 'em.

Cheers. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Motherland....(Fuckit)

This is dedicated to all you pro black/back to africa muthafuckaz out there. As well as you white supremists.

I was born in America, as my father before me, and his father before him and so on. America is my home, my motherland. I eat from this land(for that matter so does most of the rest of this world.) I'm gonna die here one day as long as I have a say in it.
Fuck africa, it's as foreign to me as Russia.

I once had the pleasure (if you wanna call it that) of hanging out with a bunch of africans and for the most part, they don't care much for us anyway, and I could care less. I recall them saying that all we do is sing and play basketball. Also a comment was made that we don't take advantage of the opportunities given in this country. You come over and read all them books with a free education, and don't know nothing about Jim Crow. So I need to get all I can out of my country and you live next to a diamond mine.
Black roots huh, my black roots began on a boat trip after some african sold one of my ancestors to the white man. And after Nate Turner, MLK, and Malcolm X, you radical niggaz telling me I should just say fuck them that (among others) got they ass whipped or killed just to say "man we've come so far here, but ya know what? Fuck'em I'm just gonna go back to Africa."
Yeah right.
On the real though, day to day I don't have a problem with africans, I'm not even thinkin much about them. I just feel like they the next best thing black americans been trying to look up to next to the wihite man, and that ain't cool. We need to focus on our heritage here, cause we ain't never gonna be africans again, we been thru too much for that kind of thinking. I ain't never been to africa, and I don't plan on going anytime soon. Been too busy anyway tryna figure out whats going on with us here in America, my country, my home.
Word up.

Posted by Picasa

Thursday, February 09, 2006

ANGER!!!

My aunt asked me about a week ago why am I so angry. And I've decided to ask myself that question tonite. It is my hope that one day I'll look a back on these writings and realize it was all in my mind.

But that day hasn't come yet. While these days I know it's simply ego. I get upset with people when they don't realize the magnificence of a person like me kind of like an artist would feel insulted if no one took notice of his most recent materpiece.

As a child I still remember the day they brought my little sister home from the hospital after being born, I was no longer the baby, and she got her ass whipped for 9 years because of it. I hated my father for not being more of a father. Hated my mother for the bond her and my sister shared. And hated my brother for being such a great guy. Maybe hate is a strong word, lets just say I carried this big chip on my shoulder. I've always got upset when women didn't show me the attention that I felt I deserved or didn't take the time to get to know me. Disliked family for not making me feel like I was family. Angry at times with God for even being, and angry with my self for thinking the way I do.

If I died tomorrow I know they would move on. My mother would shed her tears of course, I think dad would, I know the brother and sister would. I don't know who would get my stuff or what they would do with it, but I'm sure it wouldn't be to my liking regardless of any Will I may decide to write as if I should care anyway. My son has a family and i know they would take care of him, I mean shit I know my family wouldn't. I'm ranting now I know. I'm sure this is all just me coming of age and realizing that in all actuality none of this really matters. Lives are trivial aswell as the affairs I mean really how much will any of it matter 100 years from now. Bleek I know but fuckit. These things anger me, but most of all I think what angers me is I see that we don't take the time to notice or get to know one another because we overlook the fact that we are brief, one of a kind, miracles...and we don't even care. Whats fuckin wit dat? Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Black Ocean


Due to some lack of support. (Typical click attitudes) Aswell as a need to move to other topics and i've put them off much to long now. I've decided to end my tribute to Stuart with word delivered by the man himself in a poem he wrote supplied by his closest friend, Gary.

Voice OF the BLACK Ocean

From darkness we came
and TO darkness WE return
THIS IS NOT the voice of deSPair

ALL of our lyrics
ALL of our paintings
ALL of our poetry,
each OF our works

ride THE waves of the BLACK OCEAN
we DO not know
WE DO not understand
WE are not wise

Born FROM the oblivious space
every art attempts to encapsulate
We are the goal OF science
the aim OF religion.


The Original DEEp THINker(We will forever miss you little man.) Posted by Picasa