Tunnel Vision

Things can play out in a pattern. I have stopped writing for sometime, because sharing the pain and current status of my life I felt, would be far too much of a downer to put on the people who come and have came here in better days.

 Here we are.

 I am troubled about my son and his mother. My love life is complicated, and I am sick of complicated relationships. Work is steady, though not as lucrative as it once was. Most of these problems are temporary.

 Faith in my fellow kind as all but vanished.

I am on my own. 

I pray for serenity, wisdom, strength, and motivation.

Living today for tomorrow. Living. In spite of my despair, I fill my days with productive endeavors. I have recently taken up running and exercising (about two months in now). My writing has focused more on music and projects I have with people who have talents I totally respect. I loose myself in books, fiction or non fiction, from fantasy novels to books of essays concerning modern life, as well as events of the past, and I look at the stars a lot.

 I am no coward.

 I was built for this. I will pull thru to laugh at my chains in the end. Least I intend to, and that keeps me going.

 With that said, I am still -In a Place-.

 My soul is tired, my heart is broken, my limit is reached.
 I think about this when fatigue really sets in as a run. I really just stay focused on the next step, and it makes me feel so alive. And sometimes I smile. I treasure moments of communion with others, never shy from a laugh, and try my best to appreciate what people say as I would like them to do for me. Basically just treasuring every breath I still get to make. Amazingly I still feel as if something is waiting for me, but life is........ full of possibilities. And even when I feel as if I am truly doomed, it fuels me to keep going. I have no intention of letting this world beat ME.

 I want to die fighting. I know we all have battles to fight in life. I hope if nothing else I am an inspiration to those who feel as hopeless as I do at times. These moments are ultimately brief anyway. 

Joy, Pain, Sorrow, whatever may come. 
Might as well live it to the fullest. I hope I don't regret not keeping this to myself.

 I love you all, but you disappoint me so much.
And I know in this world, That is just my problem........and I will handle that.