Untitled Nature

I once told a Butterfly she was mine
And she smiled and fluttered away
So like a child I gave chase
Then pause- As she landed to tongue kiss a flower

When my time is at an end
         I pray I'm in arms as tears drop rain upon me
Life is so much Emotion
                          So much Change
                    And it seems / Nothing remains

A Honeybee told me to just BE
And she would come to me like a flower in the garden
But being human, I lacked the virtue of patients
I moved about to much and scared all the bees away
I live at my pace
                   It's all too fast
                          or too slow
Life is so much Emotion
                         So much Change
                   And it seems / Nothing remains

The She Mantis was beautiful
                           Dangerous
She seduced me with her gaze
We made love
                     Then she consumed me

In life I chased
I lacked patience
I gave in to Love & Beauty

The Tear drops are my own

It's cold

I hold myself

Life is so much Emotion......
                         So much Change.....
                And it seems / Nothing remains

Tunnel Vision

Things can play out in a pattern. I have stopped writing for sometime, because sharing the pain and current status of my life I felt, would be far too much of a downer to put on the people who come and have came here in better days.

 Here we are.

 I am troubled about my son and his mother. My love life is complicated, and I am sick of complicated relationships. Work is steady, though not as lucrative as it once was. Most of these problems are temporary.

 Faith in my fellow kind as all but vanished.

I am on my own. 

I pray for serenity, wisdom, strength, and motivation.

Living today for tomorrow. Living. In spite of my despair, I fill my days with productive endeavors. I have recently taken up running and exercising (about two months in now). My writing has focused more on music and projects I have with people who have talents I totally respect. I loose myself in books, fiction or non fiction, from fantasy novels to books of essays concerning modern life, as well as events of the past, and I look at the stars a lot.

 I am no coward.

 I was built for this. I will pull thru to laugh at my chains in the end. Least I intend to, and that keeps me going.

 With that said, I am still -In a Place-.

 My soul is tired, my heart is broken, my limit is reached.
 I think about this when fatigue really sets in as a run. I really just stay focused on the next step, and it makes me feel so alive. And sometimes I smile. I treasure moments of communion with others, never shy from a laugh, and try my best to appreciate what people say as I would like them to do for me. Basically just treasuring every breath I still get to make. Amazingly I still feel as if something is waiting for me, but life is........ full of possibilities. And even when I feel as if I am truly doomed, it fuels me to keep going. I have no intention of letting this world beat ME.

 I want to die fighting. I know we all have battles to fight in life. I hope if nothing else I am an inspiration to those who feel as hopeless as I do at times. These moments are ultimately brief anyway. 

Joy, Pain, Sorrow, whatever may come. 
Might as well live it to the fullest. I hope I don't regret not keeping this to myself.

 I love you all, but you disappoint me so much.
And I know in this world, That is just my problem........and I will handle that.

In a Place

I realize that I am in a place now.
I reached out, but no one was there.
I know this blog has seen better days, and I don't expect anyone to follow me on THIS Journey.
I have to ride and write this out because i never want to forget this.
This is my LIFE and I am a Writer........
A Scribe.

Two parts, (1st one)

I really analyze sadness when it comes to me.
People will say what they will, but it's just what I do.

Bad Luck, disappointment, a broken heart. Most of my problems are with people.
From a lover to an associate,
I'm just not good at people.

Let me say this.....
"I still believe I am a good guy."
I know I can't sit here and say I finished last, but I feel that way.
-Dead Last-
Or at least always second place to someone or something.
You know, there is an emptiness about time where I am at right now.
Why have I been alone all these years. Unable to connect on a mutual base with anyone?
/WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!/
I ask this question like I would ask how to fix a car or computer.
I just want to fix it and move on.
This isn't written for anyone to feel sorry for me, or pity me.
-I despise that-

I am just Tired.
Tired of doing this shit........Alone.

(2nd)

Is this Ink my salvation? My comforter? My truest friend?
You speak for me. I can tell you anything.
We are One in time. You have been my Youth, My Voice, My Silent Orator.
The Keeper and Speaker of my secrets.
My naked Soul.
My Testament.
You remind me of my convictions, my promises, my ambition, my self.
The Black and White of a gray soul depicted on paper or monitor screen.
This part of me for the masses when I no longer care who's looking.
Who will judge.
Who will use you against me.

I simply swim in the scribbles of my raving mind and Find shelter in this storm of emotion.
Especially when I am Tired of Trying to make sense of it all.
Especially when I Fall.
And from times long ago you have reached out and touched me, even now.
To take me Deeper, or raise me Up when I am too lost in my own Despair.
I shall Love you ForEver.
And when I am gone,
You will tell them.

-I was Here-