Punch Drunk Love Driver cont.......

A moment I wish to Remember.

Punch Drunk Love Driver

I am a car junky.
Here is my track record.
I've driven everything from a Mini Cooper to a Platinum Edition Cadillac Escalade.
In the last 10 years I have owned over 20 cars at least.
1 Dodge, 4 Mercedes, 1 Infiniti, 2 Audis, 1 Corvette, 2 Cadillacs, 2 Acuras, 5 BMWs, 2 Lexus, 2 Toyotas, 1 Mini, 1 Jaguar, 2 Fords, 1 Isuzu,
and while I'm sure I've left something out.... Finally my
1980 Porsche 911SC.

I always wanted a porsche as a child. Life is interesting, the same image of a car that mocked me in movies, hot wheel toys, and posters on my wall now sits comfortably in the garage outside silently waiting for another go. I searched for this vehicle for 6 months once I knew the moment of financial opportunity was near. Having driven so many cars now I'd actually become numb toward buying another after a while, like a junky who looses his high with each hit. Yet once again I sat up at night waiting for when the transport would tell me they had arrived from the southern Californian location I found it in headed east to Kansas.

I even had my son video tape the moment we met. And I watch that video anytime I think of getting rid of it. Still I tend to get bored with cars. I've traded thru another 4 cars since I purchased my Porsche last august. My latest daily is a Audi A8L which I enjoy quite well for the time being. That porsche is another story, the thing is just hard to get rid of. Nothing makes me feel better than driving my 911, like just when I'm about to get rid of it, I fall in love all over again.
Kinda gay huh? LOL
Flip Side.
I gotta point out that this thing blows no A/C in the summer, damn near no heat in the winter, rides rough, and lack a few other creature comforts. Yet and still has proven to be a keeper.

Can't help but feel like wondering "what the hell am I doing right now?". Am I writing a post about a car?
I was feeling this post a minute ago, now it's kinda tapered off haha. Really though, I love the car, it's manage to stay with me and be apart of some good moments in my life like when I proposed to me ex-wife. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah,
and good nite.

GIANT

"Your WEAK and your a COWARD."
That's what she said to me.

Let's proceed.

Comments like these just don''t phase me at this moment, in this life. I know my story, I know what I've been thru. And I KNOW where you was while I was doing it. So someone who has known me for now more than half my life decided to put me down in that manner because of a personal beef you have with me that you cannot let go. When we was teenagers you did your dirt. Even PHil said that in more than a few ways your getting what you dealt out back then. Anyone who reads this blog, knows my story. My teenage years were hell, and I learned to thank God for every moment of it because all i had to be great full for just getting thru it. Parents divorced, getting robbed (numerous times), treated like shit, being homeless, no electricity (when i had a home), hungry, and all the other shit that comes with living under the poverty line. WEAK?! A Coward?! I hated excuses as a child. I didn't have anyone telling me to go to school, I told me to go to school. Yall niggaz had homework after school, I HAD to go to work after school. I mean the shit was not an option. And still I can't front, it was my friends who looked out for me in ways my "family" couldn't and/or wouldn't. And you was one of those people. You know my story. And you can sit on the line and say shit like that to me? Talk to me in ways I never would to you. What you interpret as my weakness is actually my love for you, because I don't let people talk to me like that. And just maybe you decided to come at me like that because you know you can. Maybe I'm really weak because of the niggaz YOU been fucking with. These cats aren't treating you like you got treated in high school and now your game is upside down. Because you WAS a starter back in the day, not now.

Hold up, lol. I'm moving in the wrong direction right now. See this blog is about ME. I took time to analyze the quote at the head of this blog, and really I don't see it.
By most standards I'm successful. Let it be judged by my money and my assets, Or just my shear WILL to persevere. I have worked hard to be where I'm at and live as I do. So I really don't need anyones judgement to justify my cause. My testament is my justification. What's yours?? See when things get bad for me, there is no mommy and daddy to run to. I took care of me long before you even knew what that meant because my back was against the fucking Wall. I am too damn proud of myself when I look back on this crazy ass life I have lived. And I am truly thankful for it, because I have a story to tell. And it is a good one.

Now here is my quote.
"I grew up a long time before you. My track record says I don't let people get the best of me and dictate how I intend to live my life. And you already have............. playa."

Peace yall.

Beyond the Eye of the Storm

I was never good at relationships. I could never take the intimacy. I know it brought her so much pain. While trying to relate to me. Every year that pasts in our lives adds up to a looooong time. And I may very well have spent so much time on my own, that I have come to find that it is very difficult for me to deal with a Full Time person in my life. I do not yet know. What I do know is that it can be very frustrating trying to fix something and finding that you have only ruined it even more than it was to begin with. So I watch my marriage fall apart like a jenga puzzle. So much time, so many planned moves, and yet and still it all falls down.
And with it my passions, my creativity, my voice, my spirit.

And now in this solitude I once again find myself. Yet it is a person so familiar that the reunion is bittersweet. So people ask, "how do you feel", and they say that they are sorry. I myself have fallen so many times I find my self eager to jump back up and finish a life someone else started. It was mutual. We realized we just weren't right for each other and we didn't want the wrongs to progress to "I hate you". Surely they can understand that.

MAYBE, I will be cast as the Villain, the "Bad guy", so heartless.
I was bad before. And as she showed me in the beginning how things could be, she showed me in the end how things should be. We are civil, and our differences have been put aside to make this trying time as easy as it possibly can be. And I have already said to much about what is personal to me.

I am single again....... damn.

I walk alone.