Fever

It's just human. We all have the jungle inside of us. We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we're all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies. it's like a kind of poetry.
"Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider" Shit this is sooooo true.

Lip Service

But seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.
"Waiter Rant"

The Loud quiet

Ok, lets talk about trust. This blow is severe, a critical hit. This IS me on the ropes after someone I consider close slipped me a mickey, patted me on the back and sent me into an arena with wolves. And it's amazing right now that I'm not panicked or angry.
In posts before I've stated that I was on my way to something horrible in my life, which could be at this moment why I'm so calm.
I share this with the masses mainly because I want to look back on day and this post and admire my calm. I trusted someone and they fucked me. They fucked my reputation, they fucked my finances, and they've fucked me in the head a little more on how I will deal with others in the future. And this is just the beginning. All of my plans for the future at this point will be put on hold unfortunately for now. Haters will take they best shots and gawk at the falling star. Truly if anyone has awaited my downfall, this is your time!! Revel in it!! And all this from someone I trusted. Trust.
On the personal side. At night for the last 10 years all I ask God for in this world is a "peace of mind" and "Strength". Nothing is promised here, and shit happens to good and bad people everyday. I only wanted what could not be taken from me, and that is all I pray for. A man wants to be a better cook, he spends a lot of time in the kitchen, a man wants to be a better fighter, he logs more time in the ring. I want the mental strength and peace of mind to handle the hardships that are set before me, so this is another training session. And this is intense. This is Public. This hurts. This will pass.

This is because I trusted someone when they looked me in the eyes and told me THEIR truth. Ultimately I blame no one but myself. I made decisions and I will pay for them.
I forgive you. I thank you.

"No one has hurt me more than you. And no one ever will."

Got Mouth?

Ok, Ok, if only I could count the many times I should've just Shut the Fuck up. Now that it comes to mind there are a few times when I told a female I loved them (because i did)..........bad move. Then again there are times when I didn't like a girl and told them that...... again not a good move.
Still for the most part I get caught up in embarrassing, even awkward situations just for saying inappropriate shit to women, or even men. I blame most of this on my on going friendship with Gary. I mean me and Gary have no boundaries when it comes to conversation. No topic is taboo. Now in my defense, when you hang out with someone like that and throw those who tend to deal with it in the mix, you become totally submerged in a free spirited environment. And I swam in that shit for over 3 years. So I have sporadic moments of inappropriate outburst over the phone, at a party, in bed, etc, etc. Needless to say sometimes that shit gets me in trouble. Especially with women.
Now for some of these women I get it. Ok your upset, I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry, you don't know me, and I get it that you don't get it Ms. Sensitive. But I expect more tolerance for women who know me. Especially if that's part of what you like about me. I say shit, I don't like boundaries in relationships I have with people. With my closest friends, we should be able to talk about ANYTHING. Cause I don't see what the big deal is. I made a comment about a VERY Close friend's breasts today. And she got mad. What kinda shit is that. If She reads this posts, I'm sure she'll get even more upset. But whatever. I'm sick of that shit.
And I'm tired of you, someone I've known for over 16 years getting mad at me for being me. You KNOW how I get down.
Besides I'm not being mean when I say what I say. I'm just making conversation. And no I'm not saying that people should tolerate and participate. I just don't understand why it has to turn into such a huge problem. Anyway though, here I am. No one to talk to tonite and thru inappropriate comments loosing out on talking to the one person I did have. I suppose I deserve it. "YO POUR A GLASS OF THAT OVER HERE!!" I'm lonely.