ANGER!!!

My aunt asked me about a week ago why am I so angry. And I've decided to ask myself that question tonite. It is my hope that one day I'll look a back on these writings and realize it was all in my mind.

But that day hasn't come yet. While these days I know it's simply ego. I get upset with people when they don't realize the magnificence of a person like me kind of like an artist would feel insulted if no one took notice of his most recent materpiece.

As a child I still remember the day they brought my little sister home from the hospital after being born, I was no longer the baby, and she got her ass whipped for 9 years because of it. I hated my father for not being more of a father. Hated my mother for the bond her and my sister shared. And hated my brother for being such a great guy. Maybe hate is a strong word, lets just say I carried this big chip on my shoulder. I've always got upset when women didn't show me the attention that I felt I deserved or didn't take the time to get to know me. Disliked family for not making me feel like I was family. Angry at times with God for even being, and angry with my self for thinking the way I do.

If I died tomorrow I know they would move on. My mother would shed her tears of course, I think dad would, I know the brother and sister would. I don't know who would get my stuff or what they would do with it, but I'm sure it wouldn't be to my liking regardless of any Will I may decide to write as if I should care anyway. My son has a family and i know they would take care of him, I mean shit I know my family wouldn't. I'm ranting now I know. I'm sure this is all just me coming of age and realizing that in all actuality none of this really matters. Lives are trivial aswell as the affairs I mean really how much will any of it matter 100 years from now. Bleek I know but fuckit. These things anger me, but most of all I think what angers me is I see that we don't take the time to notice or get to know one another because we overlook the fact that we are brief, one of a kind, miracles...and we don't even care. Whats fuckin wit dat?