Ok so I'm sitting her today (sick) and I'm wondering in light of my new years resolution to leave Kansas for once and for all. How bad do you want this bro? How bad could it be? Your leaving this place and a relatively good job, to pursue a dream/change of lifestyle so one day you don't wake up 15 years from now wondering why your still living in Topeka. The problem is I have responsibilities here that just aren't so easy to walk away from. But, how bad could it be if I just said fuck it all and got outta dodge. I could pick back up on that stuff as soon as I got my shit situated. The bigger picture is that I don't have a life here, and I'm not enjoying my life here. Is this selfish? I mean you only live once right? Can I live?
I've already sacrificed over a decade to this place and my affairs in it. I'm running a tread mill here, and happiness has escaped me, in spite of achievements many would view as success. Truly money does not buy happiness. Also, and I don't know what it is about this place but my music is at a stand still. I suppose I'm just not writing what this demographic is into, and I'm cool with that i guess. I mean it would have been nice to be respected in my craft more here, but you can't win them all right? Besides I get plenty of love outside of state....... I just wanna be there.
I can't regret being here. I got some much out of it. I became a man here. I just think it's time to move on. And I just wonder if this is something I need to be patient about. I feel this urgency to get the hell on by any means, cause this ain't living. On the flip side, LOL. Tony wants to get married. Single life as been good I must say, but I feel like I need a change of pace. I've done so much on my own in this beautiful struggle, I'm ready to have a partner now been praying on it for sometime now. Regardless of whatever dating I've been doing for the last 6 years emotionally I've been "singe". The last woman I gave my heart to didn't really act right (lol). I'm over that shit now though. As the years went by I also got to know myself better, in short after all this time I know I'm ready to settle in. Not with anybody though. But she will come...... if she hasn't already.
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