And Unbelievable Loss

I lost my cousin this morning.  💔😢😖

He was a favorite.  I was 14 years his senior.  And I still remember him fresh.  Just weeks old.  

Watching him grow was a blessing.  I swear this life is not for the weak.  It takes and takes....... and takes. 

I have no idea how I will continue to process this as time passes. 

I love you Earon Deayon Cooper.  

And I will carry your memory with me until I join you in The essence myself.  

My only peace is that I never took this man forgranted.   And he knew I loved him so.....

Random Tithes and Mortality

 I used to dwell in my thoughts.  

They were such a lovely place.

I'd spend a day in music and the rantings of my mind.  

Writing down whatever came, for pages and pages.  Some of which made it upon the ramblings of this blog.  

And I had so much to give.  

Ya know.  I believe a man's relationship with women commonly will be two sided.  We can have true meaningful relationships with women and still see many of them as objects.  Reducing them simply to thier sexuality.  We have always been that way to some degree.  

The sexuality of a woman can be so intimidating or simply preceed her to the point we forget or overlook that we are dealing with a human being with the faults of all the rest.  

It's funny these days as I watch the traditions of man and woman hood become blurred I simply embrace that I am growing old and I am all too willing to move out of the way.  

Looking ahead.  I have more years behind me than ahead.  

My body is well, but I see the changes.  Still young enough, but time is pushing me forward faster.  

And the world is changing.  

But I embrace it.  

My years are my pride.  They have been good.  I'm trying to enjoy all that lies ahead.  Be it a day or 40 more years.  

Not really sure about how long I wish to remain here.  But resolved that the things out of my control will take care of themselves.  

My ego is young. 

My body is ancient beyond my comprehension.

And one with the world.  

All that I am is one with the world.  

As old as the universe.  

Connected to the very essence of time and space it self.

A table was prepared and a brew made so that I and those like me could witness this. 

A reality totally out of our control. 

And just enough time to be, breath, and breed.  

A blink in the vastness.   

Overwhelming. 

Like having sight but still being blind.  

It is all too much to take in. 

Or take with you.  

To cope most will simply ignore all of THIS.

And just enjoy the day.  

Until all the days are used up. 

...........

And I suppose that's OK. 

Whatever you gotta do.  

Hoplessly in Love.

No words hold me closer than the sweetness of the love portrayed across your face.

It slows me in my pace yet makes my heart race.

I want this.

Loving that the object of my affection sleeps   and wakes to the beat of a drum all her own.
Calm as a gentle breeze.
Wild as a cyclone
Each taste is an unpredictable delicious brew.
So again and again the feeling is renewed.
And I loose myself within it with a wish, to never be found. 

"Dreaming."

Let's begin Again

45.  

Big WoW.  

But here we are. Still living.  Still writing.  Still fighting. And on another level.... Still exciting!?

Am I still worthy of this blog?  Can I still do this?  Even if it is still just for me. 

Should my content have changed?  I don't know, more maturity maybe.  Something more incite full that transcends my former self or outlook on life.  I mean, anyone who has read this stuff knows I have always been a pretty DEEP dude.

And I must admit.  I've spent the last ten years visiting this blog from time to time to revel at the rants I've posted on here as a younger man with an amusement that only fresh eyes could have giving me from a more "mature" self.   The young man has grown older to read the very words he intentionally wrote for his older self. 

Amusing indeed. LOL

I'm going to try and do this.  I still have no shame.   I'll write WHATEVER LOL.  

I don't know what it will be like.  But I'm going to continue to write on this blog like it's a job.  It will come back to me. I'm still kinda twisted.  I just need to compartmentalize just a bit of my arrogance for the pages.  Or just figure out what kinda pool I wanna sit in and see who gets in with me. 

So much has changed.  I will go into how I'm processing that.  Trying my best not to offend anyone with an honest truth I intend to bring to these pages.  I feel as if I've made it back home into a castle I'd left ages ago.  In a different time and place.  

And now here I am.  

Back on the Throne. 

Built within the ranting and ravings of my own words.  

Being mindful as well. Of the Lovely places the same words once took me.   

JOY.