I was never good at relationships. I could never take the intimacy. I know it brought her so much pain. While trying to relate to me. Every year that pasts in our lives adds up to a looooong time. And I may very well have spent so much time on my own, that I have come to find that it is very difficult for me to deal with a Full Time person in my life. I do not yet know. What I do know is that it can be very frustrating trying to fix something and finding that you have only ruined it even more than it was to begin with. So I watch my marriage fall apart like a jenga puzzle. So much time, so many planned moves, and yet and still it all falls down.
And with it my passions, my creativity, my voice, my spirit.
And now in this solitude I once again find myself. Yet it is a person so familiar that the reunion is bittersweet. So people ask, "how do you feel", and they say that they are sorry. I myself have fallen so many times I find my self eager to jump back up and finish a life someone else started. It was mutual. We realized we just weren't right for each other and we didn't want the wrongs to progress to "I hate you". Surely they can understand that.
MAYBE, I will be cast as the Villain, the "Bad guy", so heartless.
I was bad before. And as she showed me in the beginning how things could be, she showed me in the end how things should be. We are civil, and our differences have been put aside to make this trying time as easy as it possibly can be. And I have already said to much about what is personal to me.
I am single again....... damn.
I walk alone.
7 comments:
Anthony,
I am truly sorry to hear that. As I must admit I was taken aback by the news of your relationship and over time able to truly find the happiness within me to be glad and elated that you had found someone you loved and enough to make her your wife. I pray in time your pain will heal and you will not resort back to the man you once were. Continue to believe in love for I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for every one of us......even with all the weird quirks, habits, and flaws we may possess. Keep your head up, don't allow this storm to hold you back. You shall overcome.
you write so open-heartedly...
Having seen that you are part of why the relationship didn't work what are your plan sot learning what you need so you can have the type of relationship you want?
@Hannah Collins,
First, thank you for taking the time to read my blog. In answering your question to be honest. I do know that I really do not need to date anyone who requires too much attention, and reassurance in a relationship. I am not the type of person who can fulfill someone like that. And while I do believe I will once again be single for quite sometime, this is actually a good thing because I also need to take my time in pursuing anything beyond a friend.
My blog today was about falling love on line. I had decided to try to meet someone after being on my own for some time! Being on your own can be frightening to some people, they only feel comfortable with someone around them. How do you feel when you are on your own? Hannah
I actually take comfort in being alone. I've always been a bit of a loner, so I tend to take comfort in it, lol. If you read more of my blog you can get a good idea of what i mean. Like anyone I get lonely, and I intend to meet someone again, but I need a best friend more than I need a lover.
I'm sorry to read that. I wanted that to work out for you. I think its great that it was able to end on a civil, understanding note. I do believe everything happens for a reason. More often than not we do not understand why but there are times we are blessed to see why things go down the way the do. Sounds like you were blessed even though it didn't go the way it was planned, you were blessed. You are good man anthony and let no one tell you different. You were good at relationships once upon a time and i think right woman will bring that out again.
You write with so much passion and I always loved that about you. your very expressive. I know everything will add up in the end for you. :)
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