I've changed, haha. Yall niggaz kill me...... I've changed.
It's not that I've changed, but it's funny how all yall rearranged, when I found game.
This is a rant.
I told you I loved you. In my heart I know it is truth. What kind of love that is I don't really know, but the years have passed and it remains constant in one fashion or another. And then I told you (again you could say) after ten years, still this changes nothing. I don't expect you to come running to me and accept me in your life as a partner. That's not even what I want.
I'm on hold..... she said she'll get back with me. You do that baby girl.
The homie. We came up together thru high school. I always held ya down, looked out, no secretes you know? Brother from another mother type shit. We was Cooley High till you got that twinkle in ya eye over the love of your life (I guess).
Question?
Why do cool ass niggaz turn into bitches over love?
I must be missing something. Probably why I'm once again traveling my road alone. Well I can live with that.
And still I tell myself, "Self? When are we gonna get back to business as usual?"
"When do we get back to writing about all the things that tickle our funny bone and talk shit on people again?"
I wanna do 2006 again without the motorcycle accident. I just gotta lick these wounds and clean out a closet first, so bear with me people while I vent.
In truth I'm getting sick of people, because everybody is playing the game. I know a woman who has played the game so long she don't even realize she's always in the game. And she goes so hard that she can't even see why she still single.
Me? Yes I'm single, not because I play games, but because I'm honest. Especially with my self and whoever I'm dealing with. Which is why my divorce is on some grown up shit, we're not fighting over "stuff" and bickering about bullshit. And in single life I keep it real.
I like you. I wanna get to know you, I wanna fuck you. I wanna be your friend. I love you. I don't want a girlfriend. I don't want to marry you. I don't want a girlfriend. I'll be there, I won't be there, Good luck with him. Good luck with me. Runaway!
Tony does not throw empty words around. The women I am into like that KNOW where they stand, and know where I stand. And at the end of the day love has nothing to do with it. I gotta be happy about me and where I'm at first. I suggest you do the same. I don't have to plot scheme and double team someone for their affection and more than anything I think my biggest irk is not being taking seriously for my word. Or being called a liar.
I really just want people to be as real with me as I am with them. And thank God some of you are. So just be real with me and don't hold back. Hell hurt me if you can. I love all avenues of emotion, gives me something to write about, a story to tell in my old age even. Besides, we all know how true emotion and intentions bleed right thru the poker face of most people.
The book is open. The blog has spoken.
be cool
8 comments:
WOOOOOOW is all imma say. Pretty speechless right now but I know this is you "in a nut shell"
As I laid in pain, this morning, you crept back into my mind, my space. I began to reminisce over the times we shared and how you were the best I ever had (when being honest with myself). How you were the one that I first allowed myself to be fully comfortable with. I remembered how I finally was able to ride and do it well with you. Any time of day we would be intertwined, the many moments together before you headed off to work, the many nights I laid in bed waiting for you to end a 12-hour shift and come home
to me resting there.
At the time, I remember thinking how we fit together like a perfect puzzle and always anticipating penetration. I remember the very first time you laid me out and all I kept thinking is this can not be this good especially in the
present state that you were (and it was not drunkenness).
After sitting around a group of people I learned my new
favorite position that you and I frequent was referred to as "froggy style” I also remember trying to re-enact with other
men and it never being the same since no one fit me as perfectly as you. It was always a direct angle to the spot that sets most overboard.
I remember on one of your blog posts how some hater chick said they didn't know how
(think it was "the old letters series") you think you pulled so many women and they heard you weren't even good in bed. I remembered thinking to myself how I somehow thought the same, (this is so contradicting.) But years later after really thinking about my past lovers before and after you how no one ever made me
feel like you, or fit me quite like you, how no one made my body do only the things you caused it to do. Sure there were many nights of passionless sex which I could not stand and how I wished you
would be more engaged in me and fulfilling what I wanted. How I asked that we could have
foreplay, like it was a foreign word. You tried your best to make me happy and at the time,
it just was not what I was seeking. I wanted love, real love. ( But always looking in the wrong place) We never had "hate you" sex but plenty of make-up; it seems we were always on the outs. LOL (Had to, sorry.)
Just like what I once felt for you will never be again. For I am quickly reminded of the self absorbed, egoticist asshole that you are. Cool guy to know, alright friend depending if you really can tolerate the other person.
Then I remember finding out about the white girl, sure she has a name but that's what she was to me. I kept thinking, damn another one gone and to think of the conversations you and I shared on the views of white women. Then you married her, ooooooh is all I thought! (In disbelief) "Well damn, clearly it was something about her, that she had and others lacked." I was proud that you had found someone you loved enough to give your name, again our conversations stated otherwise (like you would never marry) but shit happens. I just hope her damage to you won't cause you to return to being a whore (Yep, I said it). I used to blame
myself for you turning to the other side as I referred to it. Like you finally gave love a real chance and after that
white women, here I am. That's wrong, but I am being honest.
It's crazy to me that I am even thinking all these things at this moment in life, even weirder that I felt the need to write it down and share it with you. But anyway, here you go. I felt the need to get it off my chest and let you know. Because now that I think about it, I may take you up on that "crazy thought" you shared via video. (Your hint, if the obvious was not enough)
I am going to end it here, I could probably drag this out but you never cared for my letters. Ha, I even made the old letter box finally. (The things people hold on to.)
Well, until we exchange again. Live, love, laugh.
**Disclaimer: post if you want, or just read/keep to yourself.
Hmmm.....that previous comment is out there and definitely random. Who goes to someone's website and makes sexual references for the entire world to view. I guess people ain't got shit else to do. Any who, still waiting on a post from the writer.
Soon as I get my mac back up. Btw: i must admit there is an arrogance about me that really enjoyed that comment. Still, i will publish anything so long as it isn't spam.
So your arrogance made you post it. Interesting. I got plenty more where that came from since you enjoyed it so much.
Interesting!
Love Always,
Nikki
So i should i comment about how wonderful you are to me?? Mentally, emotionally and physically..with passion involved in all three??? Plenty of people probably wouldnt believe it;-)
I think you should....not that my opinion is of any regard to you but I think all readers would like to read about it.
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