The Comedian

 

Thank you Bernie Mac.
For making me laugh since I was like 12 years old. I just wanted to take the time on this day of your death to appreciate you as I'm sure we all have, for giving us joy in our lives. 50 years is not an idea length of time most of us want here. Still, I'd like to take the time to celebrate your 50 years, because I just know you enjoyed them. God bless you brother. And God bless your family. Because at the end of the day, we all adored you for how much you reminded us of ourselves, and our families. God bless.

The Paradox

 

My ambition.

Production? Check. Lyrics? Check. Resources, associates, fans? Check.............I'm good?
Would you all like to know the paradox of my life?
I've almost always been able to accomplish my goals. Yet with every success and hurdle leaped, I loose out on those in my personal life. Some thru neglect on my part, and others I have no fucking idea. But I'm doing good right. Lately I've been trying to figure out why I can't leave more of an impression in peoples lives, especially those I've considered quite close to me. LOL, I've realized recently that most women actually use ME. Either for sex or conversation. I know that my previous post confused alot of people, I apologize. Sometimes the future frightens me and I needed to vent. The storm I spoke of has arrived and I intend to weather it, because that's what I do. LOL, I've been praying for a wife lately. I guess I'm growing up or something. To those who know me this would be surprising, I was never one for such talk just a few years ago. Funny how change comes. I have all I've ever really wanted except someone to share it all with, and someone who will be if it all blows away. But people blow away too, and I know people come and go. I just need ONE who will stick around, and who I want around for that matter. Thus far that as been asking too much of life. I want my swag back though. Part of me still doesn't wanna give a fuck and have poeple hate me for it. I felt stronger then. Just maybe I can have someone that I can be against the world with for a change. I do my victory dances alone at the moment. Damn I'm still ranting. Anyway, NO I'm not doing good, and YES I'm doing better than ever. I'm not ungrateful. I just had people around me who didn't really give a fuck about me, and people wonder why I'm such a hard ass, you need thick skin for this shit. I'm gonna rant and vent until my frustration passes.
Because I haven't forgotten that I write this blog mostly for me and I shall continue to. So for those who are still reading, stick around. As I've said before, I'll smile again. Be cool yall. Pray for a Man.

Bleeding Hope "The Rant"

 


Success is all around me. My home, my cars, certain love interests, money and friends.
Not to mention the music. The music which has taken me so long so get heard by those who would listen, and get me away from this simple happy life.
I left the studio yesterday and heard what is to come with a jubilation I've never known before hearing my own voice to songs I wrote that take on a life of thier own. I'm reaching the summit of a climb that has taken so long and I thank God and Jesus that from this high position I've been placed upon, I can watch the dawn.
Still....something wicked this way comes. A new calling that has frieghtened me I must admit. Unknownling I've chosen a path that cannot be retraced so I must pray for strength. In this life what else is there to do?

Did I mention I hate chain letters.

Damn I feel so abandoned and my faith in my fellow kind is fleeting with the days. Not saying I'm much better. We all seem so selfish. Why so insightful Anthony, why? Sometimes I wish I was ignorant, happy with what is put before me, and believed in Santa Claus. So tired, so confused, so focused, and so hopless. I just wanna be ready to die. Not meaning that I want to or that I don't. I just don't wanna give a fuck. My favorite word is Serenity.
I need that. I'm cold. My heart is broken and my health fades with my lack of optimism. I don't want advice, I just want it to go away. Or maybe I just need help.
Holla.

Sentimental Sometimes

Later in life I'm sure this post my come back to bite me in the ass.
But.... Ever since my bike accident I've been quite weak when watching movies that inspire emotional feedback. In other words if there is a bad, sad, or good ending of great emotion where I used to point and laugh or talk shit. Now I just sit there like a bitch while emotion takes over me as I suppress the urge to smile or frown while simultaneously hold back tears from eyes that always seem to water up.
Sad isn't it?

Todays culprit. The movie Cast Away. Ya know the part when they meet again and your thinking, "Damn she thought he was dead and now he's here, but she married the dentist, and he fucked, and they got kids. Damn and he only made it thru all that shit to be with her." Fucked me up man.
Some of the man is still in me. Like the little voice that wanted to shout at the tv, "Yo man fuck that dude up. He took ya woman. Fuck how long you've been gone she should have waited forever, fuck him up." And the urge to root for really fucked up shit to happen like seeing her hop in the ride with him and just dip out towards the very end with no regard for husband and child left behind.
Funny how we watch movies sometimes hoping for a different outcome.

Probably just should have cried about all the stuff that happen to me that day of the accident and got it out the way. I held back though. Maybe I still am?

Yall be cool.

Shitty Set Backs, but it's looking up.

New MIxTape out. "Love Potion #9" Checkit out on my myspace it you haven't already. The entire download info is on my man LoveJOnes site.

Hmmm, anyway I've lost some friends which is typical though I'm not loosing any sleep over it. Still single by choice and nothing monumental has changed other than I've been writing songs like crazy. I don't know where it's coming from but it's good. Unfortunately if you let some tell it (especially women) I'm still an asshole. Some girl told me I was needy which I thought was hilarious, got dissed again by an old nemesis (another girl), and meanwhile dealing with the ones still in my life who are trying to control me for the most part.

Lately, I've grown really sick of the games people play. I don't like how I'll say one thing, and after that it's being decoded like theres something deeper. Meanwhile i'm getting all these coded messages that i'm suppose to figure out. I mean what I mean what I say, and say what I mean.

And for the record I don't play games with women, I don't lie to them, I'm not a player, I don't think I'm better than anyone because of what I have, and I don't throw my success in anyones face. I am proud of myself and I speak on that from time to time, because I used to be broke as fuck. I've been thru shit that ain't easy to climb. And I had people holding me back while I was getting where I wanted to be. LOL, but i'm good..... today anyway.

This feels kinda like a rerun I know. I've gone over this before I know, but I'm still defending myself and the public view of me. Could be because of my attitude towards things I don't know. Anyway not that that's over wit and I have another computer it's time for me to get back to business on here. No pics as of yet but they will be coming soon. 08's gonna be a good year. Oh and we're doing a show at bullfrogs live this 26th the day after christmas.

I gotta get going so I'll holla. Yall be cool.

P.S. Thank nikki for this wack ass post. I don't know why I let her get into my head.

R U Still Down?

Okay this was not easy. I've been granted access to my account once again and so much has transpired since my last post so many months ago. Seems like a year to me. My computer is still messed up so I can't go about in my normal fashion which is very disappointing so the nintendo Wii is earning it's keep right now. Oh yeah thanks, and sorry to those of you who have weathered my vocal rants, I didn't have an outlet so I had to use you...think of it in a good way. Real posts will be on the way so haters mount up and lets get this show on the road shall we?

It's good to be back.

My Two Cents....

Today I went to church and a message was delivered to me that I don't think I can ignore. "Have you let your talents be used in God's work?" I've used this page in the past to "show my ass" for the most part, and have been good at it mind you. But as of now focus has changed, with a slight twist of course cause I'm twisted.

For those of you about "points" the point of my page initially was to show change. I like to analyze and I especially like to analyze myself. Looking back on old posts I've written on here I've been able to look at myself from the 3rd person. Because I wanted to see what it was about me that made some people adore me, while others despised me. I've found that at times I'm quite vulnerable, while at other times just full of myself (I like those times by the way). But other times I really have something to say and while I don't get the comments I like when I deal into the fundamentals of life, I do like the phone calls and thank yous for posts like "Jesus was a man people".

I intend to write alot more posts like that because I think I have something to say when it comes to religion as a whole. And I believe I should use my talents to glorify God being that he's done so much for me. But I'm still me so there will be a twist, just so long as I can still sleep at night. Incase some of you didn't know I haven't worked for like 3 monts now. Thru true friends and Jesus I still have EVERYTHING. And it's good. Now...."the letters", I really thought people would see the big picture but I over estimated the intellect and maturity of some of the poeple who read my posts, I apologize. While being stuck on myself I forgot that they too contribute to why people come here and read what it is I have to say, and I apologize.
So with out condemming myself to hell and taking a few others with me I intend to write posts on bible related scriptures and still of course give my opinion, some example i've seen in life etc, etc, and just take if from there. I've been scanning thru it quite a bit lately and incase ya didn't know it has a ton of life drama in it from love stories to back stabbers, gossip and what have you. So I hope I gain support in this indeavor and that you pray for me to get the right messages across. And I hope that can be as special to each of you as you are to me......even the haters.


P.S. Don't think for a minute i'm gonna try to be on here preaching to people, that aint my bag.
but I am gonna have plenty to talk about.

Yall be cool. 

Sleeping with the enemy.

/Anthony

FOR THE SECOND TIME i DIDNT TELL BRYSON TO CALL YOU.
I ASKED HIM AND HE SAID HE DIDN'T CALL YOU. I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU RUNNING
TO SHAUNEL'LE WITH ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT ME OR COMMENTS
YOU WANT TO TELL HER ABOUT ME EITHER.
EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU PROBLEMS GET CAUSED SO I GUESS
THIS IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE A "HI AND BYE" RELATIONSHIP.

BYE !!
~ /
She was cheating on me.....with that guy.

My fault, I was trying to make a broken relationship work. I used to do that all the time. I gave women so much power over me. Captured by beauty and lust (i think anyway). I always fell in love. Probably why I have such a low tolerance for women I talk to now, though I'm getting better, nobodies perfect right. I"ve been cheated on by atleast two women that I know of anyway. Each time I saw it coming, but I didn't want to believe that my sweet precious love would do such a thing. Looking back, it was disgusting. In truth as my buddy Love Jones put it though, '2 girls hurt my feeling and I know it's not your fault...........but it aint mines.

Holla.

OOPS!

Gonna hop around a bit, this one should be more embarrassing for me.
Back story is, this was the second girl I ever slept with. She was kinda popular but anyway. After knowning each other for about 2 weeks, we had sex, and sex, and sex, and sex. I thought I was in love, lots of letters went back and forth between us in the year of 98. Short of the long is she came thru, laid down and went to sleep. (I still don't think she was sleep). I figured I'd "stir it like mu'fuckin coffee" , if ya know what I mean.
(try to get some sex in other words) She hops up like whats going on. Quitely begins putting on her shoes, while she ties one I quietly tie the other. Then she's gone....no I didn't stop her. I was kinda shook really.
Next day I get this.

/Anthony,

Hey what in the hell is wrong with you? That wasn't even coo. Why you hurt me like that? I think it's safe to say I can classify you in the same group as with the rest of them
niggas. What I think about it, I though you was different. I guess thats what I get for thinking.
Now can you see why scared to fall in love.


****/

bullshit

Lil did I know that would be one of many very confusing days, and notes like these.
Misunderstandings, and mishaps.

First One

Fresh of the plane from the ATL, back in fucking Topeka. A highschool dropout who came back. My pursuit for the coveted HS diploma is sidetracked by who else but women. Incase your wondering I got that diploma though.





Sept, 1997
/Anthony,

Hey whats up? I didn't think I'd ever do this and I bet you never thought I would do something this dumb to get your attention. Justin was supposed to ask you what you were doing tonight but he insisted that I do it. I'm not sure what to say though. I finally got the courage to call you and I left a message at your work, but some guy named Tony called back. I'm not sure what we're doing yet, but if you're not busy would you like to do something with Justin, Jenn, and me? Justin's meting us at KFC around 11:30. It's no big deal, but it would be really nice if you came with us. If not that's fine. Well this was really embarrassing.
I'll let you go.

Sincerely,
****

p.S. Did you know Justin thinks you're attractive? Just wondering.
Well thats kind of how I figured he felt when he described you to me./

(Damn near every girl Justin introduced me to that year like me. He was getting tired of it, and that was just an ongoing joke at that point. Wish I had was he said wrote down though.)

The Letters

Ok, well I'm feeling kinda lazy so I came up with this great idea. The whole "perfect guy, perfect girl" thing bores me so I'm gonna do something else. I've closed a chapter in my life, and as a result, I'm gonna scribe nearly every letter, love note, hate note, etc. that I've ever recieved in the past few years for your reading pleasure. I think it'll be cool, and I hope you enjoy it. Not only that but I manage to get some of the stuff I wrote them back so I'll also be posting that aswell, I mean some of this stuff is me when I was like 17 years old. I've also took off the comment moderator, but if you insist on comment to start shit, I'll put it back on. (You know who you are). By the way I have not secrets other than what would simply be considered inappropriate to display online. If YOU do have something to tell someone about me, this would be the time to do it. I'm never gonna let anyone hold something over my head so my reply would be "do you". I'm not the person I was last year, and I will admit he was an all out asshole. Now I'm only a quarter of that. Don't start shit just to start shit, especially if it aint true.

To the notorious "Anon" do what you need to do, but after that brush the dirt off ya shoulders and lets get back to what people used to enjoy doing on here. Commenting on my posts and enjoying my writing.

HOlla!

She's Perfect

-Song of Solomon "Like a lily among thorny weeds, so is my girl companion among the daughters."-




"The Dime"

With atleat 20 years of experience in the field I think I can deliver quite an expert opinion on the subject.


Physical attibutes are in most matters a must, the apple bottom, full lips, breats arent' really a must but it would be nice to atleast have a handful. Flat tight stomachs are not only attractive but show character if you ask me. Good teeth are always a must, bad dentals can always fuck up the prettiest face. In this world we live in today, just about any man attributes are a no no.
Me personally, I'm a sucker for pretty faces, smooth skin, toned stomach, legs, and ass.
I've always thought women who grow up looking like they dad got a raw deal.

Personality and mentality go hand in hand. I like women who can hold they own in any enviornment. She don't just stand there with a dumb look on her face. Open mindedness with a touch of spontenaety is always a plus, that way things don't get boring. I really think it's good to be with someone that is just if not more attractive mentally than physically. The typical "Miss A-Team" is always on her A-game. She dresses better than me, smells better than me, keeps her hair done, doesn't wear too much make up. Her panties and her bra match, and sometimes they match with what she has on. She like to read a book or two once if not twice a month, and they don't have to be just sex novels, and she's just as smart as I am if not more, but doesn't hold it over me, or anyones elses. Religion is always a must but not blindy to the point that she could be led off into some kind of cult. Truth is to self.(Think about it...)

Quick insert here, theres a saying "I wanna girl when I wanna girl, and when I don't wanna girl, I wanna girl who understands that. " In other words please have a life. And understand that I have one too, I don't wanna spend all my time couped up under you. Every once in awhile I wanna be told no. I'll still love ya in the morning.

Ya know I've been one of those guys who quickly get bored with women. And ya know what? I believe that the most important part of a relationship is the beginning/courtship. Most of us like courtship so much that when it's over so is the relationship. An inside tip ladies, if a man likes you and you really, really like him. LOL, make him wait, and I don't mean make him wait for a week or 2, shit if you can make him wait like 6 months, man I wish a woman would make me wait like 6 months and still call me every other day asking me to come by while still showing a geniune interest in who I am. See if he really like you and you mean the world to him like he says or you think. He'll wait. WoW parents were right on that one.
Word up.
Maybe I'm on point maybe not. (I think I am by the way.) Try it.


Oh yeah if any of ya wanna send in a perfect man post, don't write it on the comments page.
Send it to me at aelrod1@cox.net and i'll post it for you. If I get more than one then I'll just pick which one i like the best and post it. Oh yeah send a pic to go with if unless you trust me to pick one for you. No Male Nudity On My Site.(I mean really come on).

Yall be cool.

Fuck You!!....just one of those days.

• 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Where to be begin.......fuck it.

• Fuck you to the mother of my son for being such a bitch.
  
• Fuck you to that guy at work who said that most black people are lazy.
  
• Fuck you to that fat bitch at KFC who dissed me, I wasn't even tryin to holla at you.
  
• Fuck you to 2 friends who actually thought I was trying to get with they 2 tired girlfriends
  like I really want a niggaz left overs.
  
• Fuck you to women who don't just say what really going on, don't bullshit me.
  
• Fuck you to that someone who always pops in and out of my life every 4 or 6 months like
  I'm just something she can' t pick up and put down whenever she feel like it. I'M
  TONY FLACO BITCH.
  
• Fuck you to niggaz who just be hating. I mean really hating. And Don't Even know me.
  
• Fuck you to these tight ass prep white bitches, like they better to somebody.
  
• Fuck you to people who got something bad to say about me and my local cause we on
  strike.
  
• Fuck you Denny's
  
• Fuck you Hardeez
  
• Fuck you to SOMEBODY who takes up people they know in the wrong, especially when
  they got a problem with me.
  
• Fuck you to those bitches who play games word up.
  
• Fuck you to women I done fucked already and then they see me in public and act like they
  don't know me.
  
• Fuck the anonymous muthafuckaz who talk shit on my site and it ain't even about me.
  
• Fuck random pointless comments altogether.
  
• Fuck you Hollywood talk people I meet in the streets.
  
• Fuck foes who act like they friends, just be real. And
  
• Fuck all this bullshit I got to put up wit in a day just to sit here and write on this
  
• Fuckin blog.
  
• FUCK THIS!!!, if ya don't like me as a friend then step the fuck off, and stop coming on here aswell. I don't even care if i loose readers. Cause I won't loose sleep, I'm gonna keep doing me. Str8 Ball. If you seen me out and about you know what I mean.
  I'm gone be Good, thats me.
  Roll wit it or roll out, and eat a dick while you at it.
  Holla.
  
  
  
  
  

"Anonymous is an Option"

I'm so Focused right now.

Hello people, how are you today.
Thank you so much for visiting and reading what it is I have to say.
By the way, if you comment and don't wanna socialize with me.
Anonymous is an option, so use it wisely.

In the words of the late Frank White (Biggie) "If ya don't know, now ya know niggaz." If you come to my site and leave a means of which I can contact you, especially if you are a new reader. Then quite simply I will, I honestly cannot help it. Because I want you to come back, with friends lol. This site as been moving along quite well for the almost 2 years, and I know more of you read than leave comments(which hurts I might add). Well, I have something for you today. I can't think of a better or more clever way to do this than just getting right into it.

I wanted more comments than I actually recieved on one of my recent posts but I was happy because I saw I had "new readers". I like to network and make friends to expand what I would like to call a fan base, I don't think I've ever used the internet to meet women or men for anything beyond that, anyone who knows me correct me on that if it's not the truth.
More to the point someone came to my site and left a comment and a means of which to contact them via the internet, so I did with a simple network request. To which they contacted me again on this other site and pretty much initiated dialect with me simply to be little, be cold, and be condesending. Do I deserve this? Really?

I came to find later that I was set up to fail with this woman (obviously). And while now I find it amusing and I thank her because I really needed some new material to write, and I've manage to think up two new posts from this one incident. Coming back to the point though, in the small spectrum that I may have looked on the situation all wrong. In the future people if you don't wanna be bothered, or you don't wanna go beyond leaving a simple comment on my site "Anonymous is an Option" that you are all welcomed to use. It is there for you. I have no hard feelings, I'm not mad at anyone, but to come to my site and leave a comment, then leave a link for me to contact you or know who you are, is well......stupid. That is, if you really don't wanna talk to me.
Luv ya!

Tootles.

Bow Down!

I've often wondered what made a woman stay with a man who completely dominates her. I've heard the many excuses from the mouths of the beaten.
exp."He really loves me", "I wanna keep my kids with the father"(while getting knocked up over and over my the same man who routinely slaps you in the mouth as a hobby), and many, many more.

Now, maybe I'm jealous. I mean I've never to my own knowledge, been with a woman that i could beat the shit out of, call a bitch repeatly and still be able to come over next week to get some ass, food, and a place to sleep. Not that I would, but it would be nice to know that much of a margin for fucking up would be possible, because believe me my lil shit would be a walk in the park for a bitch built like that. Oh and why do I call them bitches might you ask? Because they allow themselves to be called bitches anyway so fuckit.

Now if your out there reading this and I've offended you because you are a victim of spousal abuse then lets be real. Should you really be mad at me for pointing out the obvious? Issues people and we all have them, I'm just glad mine don't involve picking myself up from the ground after someone I routinely have sex with just kick my ass over some shit like they aint know me.

The latter, Mr. Macho who beats women like he didn't have a mother. No, he was born from the sweat of Man, "I answer to know one". Then tries to break it to the homey's like it's cool. You see these people in action and you realize, he don't know anymore what it is to be a man than she knows what one is. I mean shit I personally want a woman, not a damn servant or someone who's walking on egg shells around me hoping I just don't flip and bust that ass, cause aint enough sugar in the kool aid. Str8 up, I've seen it first hand and once she lets the muthafucka know she aint going no where it will and does go that far, little shit got her holding her eye crying and apologizing, "What kinda shit is that?"

Anyway I'm just bullshitting, saw this picture, thought it was funny, and said fuckit.
I can't relate to that lifestyle, I don't understand, and that doesn't bother me.
My moddo "I don't hit you, you don't hit me." Plain and simple. No excuses.
Anyone who tolerates that either as self-esteem issues, or is just fucking stupid.
And if I'm ignorant in this matter, then my ignorance is bliss.
Holla back. 

Jesus Was A Man people!!

Change of pace.

First of all allow me to say that I consider myself a Christian although I express a certain amount of curiosity and respect for all types of religions. Lately I've been ranting quite a bit about a certain subject and so far I've been given no support or understanding for the way that I feel. I'm hoping to change that tide of opposition today.

Where to begin.............
Ok, as christians, who believe in christ as Lord and savior, and who are encouraged to have a personal relationship with him all through our daily lives, sometimes it bothers me that none of them even know his favorite color. Or for that matter what his favorite food was. My point is, think of every other relationship you hold with so many others in your life and you know and for that matter should know everything thing about them. But how well do you really know Jesus. The disciples spent atleast 11 or 12 years with him before he was killed and they never just spoke of a day when they was just kickin it, everything mentioned of him was so pivital, critical, and dramatic. I'm simply saying that it took away something that I don't think people really grasp at times.

JESUS WAS A MAN people, he slept, ate, pissed, took a shit, all of those lil things we are all burden to do from the pretteist face to the most unappealing person you can think of in your life. The MAN blew his nose, passed gas, add body odor if he didn't wash, everything. Those things didn't take away his glory if you believed he was the Son of God, or that he was God. He was an example of how God intended us to be even with all the ailgments that come along with being human in this world. And maybe it's a temper tantrum but I want more, like anyone would want more when they are in love with someone, I want to know him more personally and I think we all should. I can't sit down and worship like Catholics do because it's seem so ceremoniously drawn out and staged(no offense), but when I think of all the people I love in just plain human nature, I don't approach them that way, which is probably why so many more can't relate.

My site/blog is named after a book a read some years ago, very hard read. It's subject is about original sin, the tragedy behind Adam and Eve's transgretion. But it made me realize that sin didn't orginate in man, but in heaven it self when Satan took arms again God. Jealously I believe is the word(amond other things might I add). It interests me alot how people relate to God, inpart because most assume that I don't, but it's not my fault that can't see it.

I just don't like when you take so much from a person, that all you end up knowning is the legend.

Yall be cool.

Mother and Son

On a serious note real quick. Anyone who knows me, knows how much of a Tupac fan I am since I was 14 and first heard "Strickly 4 My Niggaz" his second album. I like the picture he took with his mother the most because it reminds you that regardless of what anyone thinks about Pac he was someones child and I believe, generally a good person. Today I'm gonna cruise my town playing his music in remeberance. I know I speak for alot of people out there when I say "We miss you man."

September 13, 1996................................


I'd also like to take a moment to remember some of my family and homeboys who died before they time. --John "Dakem" Frankin(cousin). Stuart Franklin. Demetre King. Bridgette. Tiffany Elrod(my older sister). Boo. X. Annet. Anna & Robert-for showing me true love.

We all family really though, yall.
"Am I my brothers keeper?" --Yes, I am.

Yall be cool. 

The Act

The thing I treasured most in life was that this word would not effect me. For the most part the last 2 and a half years I've manage to no give a fuck about what any woman I was involved with was doing when not with me. Hell usually I encouraged them to look else where for thier own good. But now we have a probem. I'm talking to "her" on the phone now as I write this post and the topic of cheating came up. At first I gave myself the illusion that I was simply trying to see how much shit I could get away with, but that cheating shit is played out. Besides I've done enough messing around and it's gotten me no where fast. But then it hit me. Dare I say it but I think I would be highly pissed off if someone even touched her sexually.

So now I have to wonder what that means, and how I'm gonna deal with this new found emotion that I've managed to ward off for so long. I really enjoyed not giving a fuck, shit how could this have happened. FUCk!!................. maybe it's cool, maybe I don't have to be one of those couple people. I can do this. What am I saying now, because I have no idea.

Cheating is the farthest thing from my mind right now though I must admit. I think the fore front is the expectations. the remembering birthdays and other random responsibilities that present themselves when you become involved with someone. Oh yeah and the actually giving a fuck that sucks, and still what can I say but, "hey, I really like her."

The fact that I've found someone I really like is beyond me. I just hope supporters and haters will just take a moment and if nothing else be happy for me. I'm really just a lost soul trying to find my way home.

Fall back and let me shine for a minute will ya.
Yall be cool. 

Great Full

New Crew, New Shoes, New Cars, New Ways to Move.

I like my new friends, and I'm not gonna even say "so far", I'm just gonna take it like it is right now. It may be gay so say but hey, "they really make me happy." I've met and communicated with those who would like to see me fall, and sometimes that weighs on me heavily, but right now with things being good I try not to let negative people get me down. I'm trying to enjoy the moment. I'm so focused on enjoying a life that was so hard and desperate just ten years ago that by any means I simply disconnect any one or anything that would ruin the eye of the storm that I'm in right now.

Life is short or rather is can be very short. I thought about this alot after my motorcycle accident(news update by the way I AM riding again.....slower though lol.) I take time to smell the roses, let somethings go, this would probably be a good time for anyone I've ever had a problem with to make good with me. It's like right after I got up off that road, something clicked in my head and said every second that passes from this moment would have passed without you, and left you where you lay. I almost cried probably six times that day and the day after, but no tears really came, just moments of intense emotion. At the same time I must admit that alot of the crazy things I did on my bike were because part of me wanted to die, not from depression or anything like that. I just didn't want to live to see the possible downfall that some of you want to come upon me. I didn't want to reap what I'd sowed, whatever that may be in the future. I didn't want to grow old. Yet and still I wake up every morning and I'm here. Theres so much more to that than just saying it. Two others died on thier bikes after my accident, a 19 year old named Leo, and a 24 year old named Robbie. And I was going faster than them when I took my spill, I wonder what that means sometimes. Maybe shit just happens. I know you people don't have great attention spans for long blog posts so I'm gonnna end it here with. I'm sorry for what ever I may have done to any of you. I'm just taking things as they come. You may not believe me but I cherish/cherished the presence of you all in my life and if I could I would take back the time to make things right.
Yall be cool.

Present Government Speaks!!!

And what do we say?

There is only one woman who can even entertain the notion of me considering to settling down with her. And she shall remain nameless. Present government wants nothing to do with a relationship otherwise.
What sparked this topic might I add. A few weeks ago I ran into this female I knew back when I was acting like a girl, ya know wanting desperately to be a part of something(SPECIAL) lol, I crack me up.
Anyway we fucked, one time I pushed it to happen I'll be honest but at the time she wanted it too. So years go by and I mean like 5 or 6 years go by and by chance (topeka) I run into her at a club. These days I'm picky as hell and I get bored easily and so on, those who know me now understand what I'm getting at. Still I'm happy to see her mainly because I'm a very nostalgic person. I ask for her number she gives it and I give her mine, tell her we should get together sometime for old times sake, have some dinner or something I'm not being as hard on her as I usually am mainly because of her link to the past. Now I Don't think that she wants to hook up with me by any means and I say this because I'll be damned if she didn't kinda give me the cold shoulder just days later so I guess all that at the club was Hollywood talk. Thing is I'm so fucking honest these days to women, sometimes painfully. And I get shit from that from time to time. But I mean shit this has happen before one way or another. I mean why couldn't she have just been like, " nigga please I don't even really wanna talk to you", or just said no. Then I could just write a post about how fucked up that was. No instead it has to be drawn out and I have to figure that shit out, which isn't cool if you ask me. Same goes for the other way around, I tell a female "I don't want no girl friend, I just wanna be friends. " She says ok. But she lying cause 2 weeks and sometimes 2 days lata she trying make it more than it is, and I'm suppose to feel bad or like I have commitment problems cause I aint with her progarm. You women kill me. Then you actually got the nerve to say there ain't no good men. Maybe you just ain't a good woman. What you are is what you get, and what you get is what you really looking for. I'll be the first to admit that I've pulled more than my share of good women. All of them in college, or have they own homes and good jobs. I fucked it up cause I just aint ready to settle right now.
But I'm getting there, I mean I aint getting no younger.
HOLLa!!