Remember When

SmiLe

Alot happens to you from the time you can remember to the present. I can remember as far back as 5 maybe 4 years old. Hehe ya know I don't think I've told anyone but I was picked on alot as a child. Really it didn't start till i was in the 5th grade, but I should have saw it comin in the 4th. These days one of the main things i like to do with my son is spend time with him just talking about things, getting to know him as a person and see how thing are going with him as far as how he's developing socially among other things of course. My father never did those things with me and in ways that could be why i'm fucked up now, or atleast why I do some of the things i do.

Getting back to the 4th grade. See, I used to be really comfortable with myself when i was younger other than the fear of dealing with my own mortality already at that age, as a matter of fact i can remember being worried about dying as far back as the 3rd grade. I think that had to do with something i watched on TV that i shouldn't have but anyway. In the 4th grade i started to have to worry about this thing called body Oh Dear hehe, oh sure i took baths i mean that was required after a day of doing all the shit i was out doing, fighting, playing sports, messing with girls, etc., but i didn't clue into deoderant til late in the 5th grade, too late might I add. Oh and that led to me catching shit about my nose and my lips, yeah kids can be cruel. I'd get angry and lash out, sometimes i cried (hey i was a lil boy) and other times i'd just withdraw into myself, ya know kinda make like i was living a dream/nightmare. It was all too brief but I learned about wearing deoderant from my classmates and i think i've come along way being that i can put that on this site heh.
Regardless the next school year(in middle school) everyone had moved on to picking on ugly kids and kids who's parents couldn't afford to dress them better the damage i suffered was done.
Now i never considered myself the popular guy in school, but i will say i had my moments and thank God cause i needed them. I've always had an all around presence. Oh and girls who were growing breast started liking me so i began to forget how bad things used to be the year before, and luckily no one ever brought it up again, probably was nothing to them. I'd also like to add that it's funny how the stock of big lips being attractive fluctuates up and down, one year ya hot, and one year ya just lukewarm. Cats wit thick lips feel me.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that we all just kids who grew up in life making choices, some good some bad, and it determines the men and women we are now. Sometimes when i look at micheal jackson i still see that kid at the top of my post. And i feel sorry for him. Just like when i look at pictures of me as a child, sometimes i feel like i let him down, or i think "man if only you knew what you'd have to go thru to get where we are now." I tell my son sometimes that no matter what you do or who you are in life things just happen some good some bad. Things are going good for me in life these days and i wish i could write it down as a happy ending like they do in the fairy tales, but i know better.
I'm only 26.